A Checklist For Summertime
1. “Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice… now.” LOL.
2. Eat summertime foods like watermelon and berries and arugula; feel airy and light and clean; destroy all progress in one sitting at a barbecue; pretend to regret it but don’t.
3. Sweat. Sweat in bars and in backyards and on the beach and at dance parties. It’s okay, everyone’s doing it.
4. Take at least one day off of work to enjoy the beach on a weekday. Do it two months in advance if you have to, but make it happen.
5. Ruin a perfectly good pair of jeans by attempting to cut them into jorts and somehow screwing it up (it’s possible, if you’re spastic enough).
6. Dread wearing a swimsuit for the first time this season but put one on anyway, accept that you’re still alive, you haven’t died from mortification or from gaining a few pounds in the last year, get wet, have fun.
7. Do not spend more than ten minutes fussing with your hair, you look fine, you look like summer.
8. Get sand in your sneakers, in your purses, in your ears.
9. Drink noisy, vacation cocktails that embarrass you like Pina Coladas and Strawberry Daiquiris. Don’t be embarrassed.
10. Take long rides in too-hot cars with the windows down and the radio loud, play music you swore you outgrew like Sublime, or No Doubt, or Grateful Dead, or 311, or Bob Marley, or Long Beach Dub All-Stars, or Tom Petty.
11. Take your shoes off.
12. Meet someone you like and feel trepidation toward commitment because, summer; feel sort of pathetic for giving credence to this cliche; hope your crush is still around and liking you in September or just give in and date them — you should probably just give in and date them.
13. Day-drink on rooftops that belong to strangers. Bring a snack, bring a smile, say thank you.
14. Find some water and spend the day next to it. A lake, an ocean, a pool, a river. Don’t compromise on this.
15. Have one amazing night — the perfect temperature, the perfect outfit, the perfect kiss, the perfect soundtrack, the perfect sky — that you’ll spend the next year trying to recreate.
A | A | A
While there are limitless ways to love someone and make your relationship last, there is only one fool-proof, time-tested formula to ensure it burns and disintegrates as quickly as possible.
Don’t get me wrong, if you can get into an Ivy League, good for you, but I also think that there are a lot of other colleges that deserve as much praise and respect as Harvard and Yale.
I started to do lines of Adderall because I thought heroin/drug chic was glamorous. I did it while looking at myself on my iPhone camera, obviously, because how else would I know it was happening if my reflection on a screen wasn’t looking back at me?
2. GRUMPY. Or more appropriately, Humpy.