Crazy + Hot = Forever Boneable. This foolproof equation has played out on many a college campus and continues to maintain a presence in adult relationships far longer than what is acceptable. If you’re insane and even marginally good looking, not only will someone want to sleep with you – everyone will want to sleep with you. The crazier you are, the better – don’t let potential marginalization or laws slow you down. If you’re uncertain of how to amplify your insanity, start by restraining your stepfather in his bedroom and proceed to set his house on fire, burning him alive. Murder is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
The person whose nose bleeds while traveling back and forth through time is the weakest link.
Coming into millions of dollars without lifting a finger is the single worst thing that could happen to a person. It is unfathomable how one can pick up the pieces after such an injustice has been done unto them, what with having all of that money at their disposable and all. Mo money, mo problems.
The secret to having great hair is getting stranded on a remote island.
Bad or absent fathers cause their sons to gas entire villages, fall prey to alcoholism, become confined to a wheelchair, con women out of their life savings, become convinced that they have paranormal talents, steal children for scientific experimentation, and donate kidneys to almost-strangers.
Not everyone can be made attractive simply by having an accent. Sorry, Charlie.
If ever you get into a plane crash that steals away 108 days of your life, you won’t become wary of flying. Hell – you won’t even switch airlines! The airline responsible for almost killing you will fly you for the rest of your life – gratis. That’s right: they will fly you to the death. Lucky dog!
Katy Segal is not White Trash.
The stepbrother/stepsister sex-fest is REAL. I once poked fun at the interfamily hookup in Clueless, but Shannon and Boone’s sexually ambiguous past made me reconsider mocking these sister-brother relationships. Hooking up with your stepsibling is a thing (especially when both of you are incredibly good looking – for more evidence of this, refer to Cruel Intentions). (Other things: Your mom dating your boyfriend’s dad, your teacher dating your divorced parent, falling for your best friend, dressing room montages.)
Surgeons are sometimes wasted while performing surgeries.
A lot can happen in three months. One day, you’re in an airport with the coffin of your deceased father in tow, and the next, you’re hunting wild boar. You could be doing heroin in an airplane bathroom one minute, and drowning in a flooded submarine moments later. Life is unpredictable that way.
Spending our days typing on a keyboard is either futile, or the key to staying alive.
You can spend an indeterminate amount of time (six seasons) dwelling on unanswered questions, believing that your life (or a television show) will culminate with all the loose ends tied, only to find yourself at the end of an era and more LOST than ever.