ABC's: The Walk Of Shame
W is for Worried
Please don’t wake up. I’m just trying to find my pants and my cell phone, both of which should be easily discernible. Clean your room sometime, asshole.
A is for Acknowledged
“Ohhh… hey babe! Good morning! Yep, gotta go. I have (cough) yoga, at the park. (Cough)… every Saturday it’s my thing? Anyway! Thanks for… all of it. Everything. You’re a great host okay bye!”
L is for Lies
Heh. Yoga. That’s rich.
K is for …Kall Me?
Kall me with a K? What did I drink last night?
O is for Out Of Here
It’s a beautiful day for a Walk Of Shame! Just need to find my point of reference. I live for disorienting moments like these.
F is for Fuck
Fuck do I need coffee, a cigarette, an order of Steak and Eggs, and a Bloody Mary. Preferably all together in a blender as to alleviate any effort on my behalf.
S is for Sunglasses
For when Visine and three hours of sleep just won’t cut it. Sunglasses, you complete me. How would I mask the wistful glint in my eye without you?
H is for Hangover
I can see my future flashing before my eyes, and it involves Mexican food and a Law & Order: SVU marathon.
A is for Ashamed
I shouldn’t have done that, probably. I’m going to regret this all day… the remorse could very well haunt me into next week.
M is for Mobile Phone
“Hey. You awake? I’m on the way home. UGHH. No, it was okay. I couldn’t find my headband, so that fucking blows. Made it out of there with my favorite bra and a broken dry spell so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. What time does McNeely’s open? Think I left my scruples in the washroom.”
E is for Espresso
Americano on ice with two sugars and a side of your sympathy, please. To go.
A | A | A
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.