November 1, 2013

I’ve Only Had Sex With One Person (And That’s Ok)

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I started the whole dating game pretty early in my life, at least for most people. I had my first “boyfriend” when I was 11 years old. I had had a crush on him since first grade. I had my first kiss, also when I was 11, with my 6th grade boyfriend who I obsessed over for the next 3 years (sorry about that. I’m awkward).

But my first real relationship came my freshman year of high school. I was an awkward 15-year-old girl fresh off a semi-break up with a womanizing boy who strung me along for way too long. So when my friend told me this one guy liked me and wanted to date me, I said sure, what was there to lose? Well let me tell you: my virginity. Despite the fact that before this boy I had only made out with 2 other guys and I was one of the most prude girls you had ever met, sexual activity escalated quickly and by the end of that summer we were one plate away from home.

Now there’s no real need to go into detail, but I’ll give you a quick lowdown. Basically, in a really unromantic and non-dramatic fashion we both lost our virginities in the heat of the moment one insignificant night. I couldn’t even tell you the date, honestly. Ok that’s great, but what is the point of this article you ask? Hold on I’m getting there! I was barely 16 when I lost my virginity (he was only 15), and almost 6 years later that guy is still the only guy I’ve ever had sex with – and that’s fine with me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to have sex with other men. Going to a huge party school, being a part of social organizations, and being a senior in college has not left me without opportunities to wet my whistle a few times here and there, but to me that’s not important. And it shouldn’t be to you either. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to go out and have sex – sex is super fun and I can’t get enough of it! I’m saying that for those of you who think it’s weird you’ve only had sex with one guy/girl or who haven’t even had sex yet at all and are afraid of being judged – Stop. You don’t have to conform to some weird standard that has been spreading through college campuses that you need to graduate having had sex with multiple people. Some people can do the whole one-night stand thing, and some people can’t. I started having sex first out of my friends group, but now all of them have surpassed me in number of partners. I’ve gotten a lot of shit about it, some playful teasing, and some flat out chastising about not branching out or seeing what’s out there. But what’s the point in getting naked with someone and putting myself in the most vulnerable position possible if I don’t connect with him? They don’t know me; I don’t know them. Having sex like that seems like a nightmare.

So my message is simple: girls (and guys), stop being afraid of being judged as inexperienced or weird or prude because you haven’t had sex with multiple partners. Sex is a big deal, and the hook-up culture that is so prevalent in our generation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s not for everyone. If you’re uncomfortable with it, be uncomfortable and don’t feel the need to explain yourself. You are entitled to your feelings and you shouldn’t feel pressured into something you don’t feel comfortable doing. Sex is fun, enjoyable, and totally worth waiting for. When you have sex with someone you have a real connection with… oh man don’t get me started. I’ve been having sex with the same guy for 5 years and it’s still amazing (much better than that first night when I was 16, thank god). I don’t know if this guy is going to be the only man I sleep with for the rest of my life and I’m not stressed out with the possibility he will, and neither should you. Everyone’s sex lives are different, and just because yours doesn’t seem “exciting” or “diverse” enough for other people doesn’t mean your doing anything wrong.

So go out there, have fun, have sex with people who you connect with or don’t have sex at all! The whole point is do what you’re comfortable with – forget the rest. If what’s comfortable for you is having sex with the boy you’ve been sleeping with since you were 16, well then do it because if it wasn’t good there’d be no reason to keep coming back for more. TC Mark

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