October 19, 2016

He Doesn’t Deserve Anymore Chances (So STOP Giving Them To Him)

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Kaci Baum
Kaci Baum

We all have that one person that no matter how shitty they’ve treated us we always go back. There’s a piece of our heart (and mind) that will always be attached to them. Already have someone in mind? People ask us why we keep giving them chances or why the feelings still linger and we reply, “I don’t know.” But if we don’t even know a single reason why they are still in our lives, then why are they even worth our time?

That is the inevitable question that so many people (myself included) still don’t know the answer too.

In the back of your mind we are hoping that he is going to become the person we think he can be. The person we dreamed up in our head- the perfect guy. One day he will turn into Prince Charming and we will live happily ever after. But no one else is buying it.

We constantly use the excuse, “Oh he’s different when he is with me.” But he shouldn’t be different with just you, he shouldn’t have multiple personalities. If anything he should be trying even harder to impress when others are around. If he can’t be a good guy to you in front of other people, then what kind of person is he really? We should want a relationship that makes people envious of how sweet our man is, not have everyone questioning how we are even with him.

The truth is we are in love with the person he could be, not actually the person he is.

If we keep going back after all of the shitty things he has done, then he is going to think this behavior is acceptable. The first mistake is an actual mistake, the next (and all those after) is a choice. If the silly boy doesn’t learn after the first time, then he is probably too stupid to be with you anyway.

Boys are like dogs, if you give a dog a treat after they chew up your favorite pair of shoes then they are going to keep chewing up your shoes! Boys are the same. If you keep giving in and letting them back in when they’ve wronged you, you are reinforcing the bad behavior and they will keep wronging you because they think you do not care. They’ll think they can get away with it and that they can walk all over you. But not anymore. Break the pattern, stop forgiving the fake apologies.

We need to stop giving these men (if you can even call them that) all of the power. Think about how many nights we have spent worrying about what he was doing or where he was while we probably didn’t even cross his mind. It is heartbreaking to think about but also very eye opening. Relationships are nothing without the fundamental of trust and we all know in the back of our minds we don’t trust this guy (he hasn’t given us a real reason to) so why are we wasting our time?

Your man should be jumping through hoops for you. Sure, we use another excuse, “Well, guys mature slower than women and it just takes them a while to realize what they want,” but the cold truth is if the guy wanted to jump through hoops for you- he would be. That’s it. I’m guilty for making excuses for the wrong guy as well. We make up any excuse to justify to our friends, family, even strangers that he does really care for you but if he cared the way you actually deserved then you wouldn’t have to explain it to anyone because it would be obvious. And as much as we don’t want to listen to our friends and family their instincts are usually spot on. They see things more objectively than we can. They are not as emotionally invested in this guy as we are and they will be able to see him as he really is, not how we see him in our rose colored glasses.

When we do finally realize that guy is wrong for us it doesn’t mean it will hurt any less when we finally let them go, but I do know it will save us all plenty of heartbreak in the future. 

So now is the time to stop giving so many opportunities to the loser who has disappointed us over and over again. Chances are he hasn’t changed this time and he won’t change next time either. So why even give him a next time? TC mark

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