Thought Catalog
March 11, 2017

When You Want To Know Why I Left You

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What is the issue?
Christian Allard

You want to know why I left? Because he gives me something you never could. When he touches me he is gentle, careful not to rush into it. He tells me I am beautiful even when I know I do not look it. He makes sure I come first and it is an experience you never gave me. He has never left bruises on my arm from pushing me aside. He traces the curves on my body and sees them as I do, beautiful. He does not trace them only to tell me I need to fix myself. He has never made me feel horrible about my body or my personality. He supports who I am and what I love to do. He has never criticized my writing, but encouraged me to continue to push boundaries and explore my mind even further.

He is kind to me, which as simple as it is, you never were. I guess that is a lot to ask of a person. He asks me questions about myself, and seems to genuinely have an interest in my inhibitions. He does not wake me up at 3 in the morning to sexually please him, he is turned on when I am turned on. You were afraid to hold my hand in an empty store, explaining that I might “trap” you into a relationship. I would never want a relationship with someone who needs to be trapped into it, much less think I could do it.

I do not know why I put up with you for so long, maybe I craved the attention, maybe I saw a light in you and hoped you would shine it. I waited too long for it though, and that is my mistake. For letting you think that the way you were treating me was acceptable. For a man like you to take advantage of my kind nature.

So this is for you, to let you know how much you messed up and how much you will miss me. How you will miss my voice being the last thing you hear at night, my words being the only thing to make you feel better about yourself. The feel of my hand running through your hair gently tugging at it to get you to look at me. My fingers tracing the scars on your body, making you feel lucky to be alive. I am not being cocky when I say this, I am being sure of myself. Sure that you will fucking miss me when I am gone. TC mark