Thought Catalog
March 14, 2017

You Have To Stop Being So Emotionally Selfish

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Unsplash / Annie Liao

A family tries to raise their children and grandchildren right. Don’t push that boy, and don’t bad mouth that girl. Hurting other people isn’t nice. Good morals are important as are life lessons and most families can understand the difference between good and evil, what is right and what is wrong.

All of this is fine and dandy and by most people it is followed routinely. Many people make mistakes as that is the most common part of life, however, there are things that people tend to overlook.

Mistakes that happen regularly are no longer mistakes. It is our own selfish inability to see them as things that need fixing. See, while we attempt to remain mistake free within relationships with our friends, our spouses, our co-workers, our chosen groups, many are so busy that we forget to try to remain mistake free within our given group, our families.

This does not apply to every situation and life mistakes are inevitable, they happen, but my point is this; many people think that because our “family is our family” that things will work out inevitably.

Too many take advantage of the fact that blood is blood and they assume that even if a mistake is made, forgiveness is automatically given.

That simply isn’t true. Yes, familial bonds are mostly strong enough to withstand those mistakes that happen numerous times and occasions but not for forever.

All those times you didn’t call your mother back add up. All that money you asked for as a loan didn’t remain a loan but now sits as a dollar-sign amount you used someone for gain. Those words you screamed at your wife linger in her mind, engrained in her memory forever altering how she sees you and others.

Just because family is family and those ties are strong most of the time, doesn’t mean the mistakes and choices don’t add up.

As we grow, we think we are remembering those morals and lessons we were taught as kids, but so many start to forget them. As we become teenagers in a higher tech world we are encouraged to be social and build and keep those new relationships with people outside of the family. We are encouraged to leave home and venture out on our own paths.

This is a great idea until we forget to hold onto the relationships we were gifted without choice. There must remain a balance to all things.

Seeking an individual life is important and it is indubitably one of the most exciting feelings we can possess — but try your best to hold onto the blood that runs through your veins as well. It will always remain a part of who you are. That is something that will stay with you forever, even when those other relationships don’t.

There are a million different circumstances someone might have to face. Not all family members are good company to keep and some have not had the choice to keep their family close.

It is not always in our grasp to hold on to what is dear. Those that were given up for adoption, those that were abandoned, forgotten, ignored, still possess that blood within them whether they like it or not. Many times, this is a factor that haunts them in both terrible and good ways.

So, if you are one of the many that knows their roots, knows their histories and the people that led to who you are, respecting that is important. Not everyone has that choice to make at all.

Don’t go through life without thinking of the relationships you hold with every other person, including yourself.

If you were not here, it is without a doubt that the world, and everyone’s life that you have touched in one way or another, would be different.

We are all a part of this ever-changing world and there are too many people stuck selfishly wandering the earth, believing that their opinions, their feelings, their actions will affect no one but themselves.

It is this individualized outlook that has gotten the world to where it is currently. We must remember good morals, good behaviors, and good actions. We must stand to build and maintain all kinds of relationships we have and remember that it is not only our own selfish existence that matters.

There have been many before us and I’m sure there will be many after us. There is no avoiding the life cycle. We are all born, we live, and we will die. We do not choose this and we do not have control over many things so it is crucial to remember each person we affect our choices and opinions.

Not all relationships will remain and some are not meant to, however, remembering that all you do as an individual is not always as individual as we think it to be.

By thinking only in terms of you, you are being an emotionally selfish person and in being that, those morals and those actions become a cross between both right and wrong regardless of how you intended them.

By thinking only of you, your feelings, your emotions, your strengths, weaknesses, failures, and triumphs, you forget that you are merely one person amongst billions.

Life itself would be a lot better for people if we remembered not only to succeed for ourselves but for others as well. Life would be easier if we tried to keep all relationships, both given and chosen, strong.

United is certainly stronger than alone. Your personal qualities, no matter how positive, mean little if you have no one to share them with. Individuality is important but being wary not to isolate yourself entirely is just as important.

Do not be emotionally selfish, be emotionally unselfish. Live not only for you but for others as well. TC mark

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