I promise you this does not and will not define you. It’s difficult going about your day knowing that the one person (or multiple people) that you invested your time and heart to did not choose you. Trust me, I know.
Knowing that every kiss, every longing look, and every moment that stopped your heart and set it in overdrive wasn’t as real to them as it was to you. You will ask yourself the same question over and over again that it’s meaning will be an imprint on your heart.
Why not me?
You may be starting to notice that you are never the first one in the eyes that you truly desire. And that’s okay. There are other friends and family that matter more than me.
You want someone to look you in the eyes and tell you how much they are glad to be with you. How much they wish they could call in sick just to hold you for a little bit longer in the morning. How much they care about your hopes and dreams almost as much as you do. How much they can’t imagine a life without you relationship or no relationship.
You probably feel so lonely and you hate it. You don’t know what to do because you know life would be less painful without them involved in yours but you can’t bring yourself to do it.
Your heart aches my love, and I feel it. I know that your tears drench your pillow and I know your palms are getting bruised by the ball of your fist. I know you’re pain and I know how undefeated you feel right now. Nothing matters anyway right? You will always be second to the better version.
And I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. You are the best version of you that you will ever be.
You will find someone who cherishes the ground you walk, someone that will drive hours on hours just to see you for thirty minutes, you will meet someone who will love the way you cover your mouth when you laugh. He will be so invested in trying to convince you to laugh without having to hide your smile so much that you will begin to love it. You will love yourself just a tiny bit more.
You are a beautiful soul that is more powerful than you can ever imagine. Because through your experience of not getting the most out of a relationship your heart is ready for a new exciting path. A path that will be worth the risk.
You’ll get that girl who greets you with a kiss at the door when you come home, and you’ll get that guy who sends you a text throughout the day just because they saw something funny that reminded them of you.
That love will be fierce and deep and meaningful and I promise you, you will be treated in such a royal way you won’t even bother to remember ole what’s-their–name.