It’s Okay If You Still Don’t Know What You Want By 22

I’m already 22 and I don’t have much to look forward to. I don’t know where I’m going to be after 5 years. But of course, I want to be successful, I want to make a name and know where I stand. I want to be credible, sensible and a game changer for some positive reasons.

I want to make my family proud and somehow give back.

I love to watch movies and TV series, I bet every millennial in this Earth have already said that. But in my case, I could finish a season or two in a day, if the show is that really good and jam packed with revelations. (Sorry to say but I only watched 6 episodes of Friends. Nope, it is not for me). I go out with my friends a lot. I mean, who doesn’t? Just sipping coffee or beer and having great talks! That is one hell of a quality time with the most precious people in our lives. I also love to eat; I’m still having a hard time which cereal box to buy in the grocery store and which Starbucks drink to buy next.

It is okay if I still don’t know what I want. It only means that I’m still searching for who I am and who I want to be.

Unfortunately, I lost the love of my life. I became very dependent on him that I hit rock bottom when he left. I’ve been shedding tears before I sleep and after I wake up. I barely touch my food and too depressed to socialize with people around me. Even the happiest songs can make me cry. I was so miserable, I even thought of ending my life.

Yes, it was that suicidal.

One day, I woke up missing him so much and dialed his number on my phone, but he didn’t answer. My heart shattered into pieces, I burst out crying and after that, the realizations start popping in my head. That’s when I know, I don’t deserve the relationship, and I don’t deserve him.

I’ve been through many lows. To be honest, I really don’t know how I got up. All I know is that I live, I live well.

Just live well.