September 12, 2016

An Open Letter To The Boy Who Broke Me

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What my heart wants to say

To the boy who made me both the happiest and saddest I’ve ever been:

I could be mad at you for leaving me broken and battered. I could be mad that you etched yourself into every piece of my memory until I was unable to forget you. I could be mad that you told me you wouldn’t give up on us, but then you did.

But I’d rather not look back on our beautifully tragic romance negatively, and I know you didn’t intend it to be this way, so I’d like to take the opportunity to thank you.

Thank you for showing me what real love feels like, even though you weren’t able to stick around for it.

Thank you for teaching me that the right person will actually make me feel like I’m floating on air.

Thank you for reassuring me that the type of love they show in the movies can be real.

Thank you for teaching me what mutually reciprocated love feels like. I have never felt more secure in a relationship than I did with you. Even though it was short-lived, we were always on the same page.

Thank you for showing me everything I want in a man, and that I shouldn’t settle for less.

Thank you for showing me how beautiful it can be to plan a future with someone, even if it’s not realistic.

Thank you for helping me realize that I’ll never get tired of spending time with the right person.

Thank you for showing me that I’m capable of fully loving someone. I wanted it to be you, but even though it couldn’t be you, thank you for proving that I don’t need to settle for less when it’s possible to be as happy as I was with you. Thank you for showing me that love is real.

And, if I never find anyone else who makes me as happy as you did, thank you for letting me experience that movie-like feeling at least temporarily. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I hope you feel the same. The high was most definitely worth the pain.

What my brain wants to say

To the boy who made me both the happiest and saddest I’ve ever been:

I could be mad at you for leaving me broken and battered. I could be mad that you etched yourself into every piece of my memory until I was unable to forget you. I could be mad that you told me you wouldn’t give up on us, but then you did.

But I’d rather not look back on our beautifully tragic romance negatively, and I know you didn’t intend it to be this way, so I’d like to take the opportunity to thank you.

Thank you for teaching me that although I thought you were all I ever wanted, there must be something else out there for me if I couldn’t have you.

Thank you for proving to me that it’s important to be independent and capable of functioning on my own, because when you left, I couldn’t function for a long time. I didn’t remember how.

Thank you for teaching me that I should never be that dependent on someone else for my happiness.

Thank you for teaching me that your love is not the kind of love I want. The all encompassing, overwhelming, annoyingly happy love that I see in movies is not healthy.

It’s not healthy to be obsessed with someone to the point where you miss them all of the time. It’s not healthy to base your life choices around another person. It’s not healthy to picture your future with another person, because when they’re not there anymore, you’ll feel lost.

Thank you for teaching me that being in love isn’t the end-all be-all and that I want more for my life.

Thank you for teaching me that I never want to be that attached to someone again.

Thank you for teaching me that being on my own is the best choice.

Thank you for teaching me that I need to be wiser about my choices and that the high isn’t always worth the pain.

What my soul wants to say

To the boy who made me both the happiest and saddest I’ve ever been:

I’m trying to look on the bright side, but I still want you. TC mark

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