Before my “happily ever after”, there was a season of heartbreak I went through in a previous relationship. I love focusing on the happy things with you guys, but I feel like some of my babes out there need this post right now more than anything.
Coping with a break up is probably one of the worst feelings we have to overcome. It’s hard to picture my life without Steve, and I can’t imagine what life would look like if I took a different path.
Before Stevie, I thought I had my entire life figured out. I met a Kurdish guy at the age of 16 and decided, YEP. He is the one. (LOL #SazanProbs) I was in a long distance relationship but that didn’t scare me. I saw it as a healthy challenge. Fast-forward to 4 years later. I felt confused, insecure, lost, disappointed, and so far from the path that I thought was my destiny. I was young, immature and lived for those sappy “butterfly moments.” When we stopped putting more wood into the fire, our love burned out. We both became selfish and even when it got bad, I still kept trying to resuscitate the relationship that flat-lined a long time ago.
We all have that final straw moment. What was or is that going to be for you? For me, it was a complete meltdown in the parking lot of my college campus. I had enough. (Side note: I remember that day, walking into the newsroom with puffy eyes and I looked at Steve as he was goofing around (as he always does) and I thought to myself, “Wow. Whoever ends up marrying Steve will never cry the way I just did.” …. and it’s true. I haven’t.
Getting over my heartbreak wasn’t an overnight process, but when I finally did, I figured out that I wanted this breakup to shape me into the woman I wanted to be. Not the party animal woman or the woman everybody else wanted me to be.
Stevie and I have had plenty of hard moments but I’ve learned through my past relationship that I never want to fall back into that dark hole. When we fight or argue there is no “walking out” or saying “I quit!” Our marriage has taught me so much in that every day is a choice that two people have to make to love each other unconditionally and honor each other. Stevie has taught me to be a better listener, and I’ve taught him to speak up more.
If you’re coping with a breakup, here’s a little personal advice from me to you:
1. The relationship you were in does not define YOU. I challenge you to make a list of 10 GREAT things about yourself (without mentioning your ex-lover.)
2. Think big picture. I know you’re hurting, but this is just a small blip in the grand scheme of things. It’s still a significant part of your story, but it isn’t the end of your story.
3. It’s okay to feel your emotions. Cry for as long as you need to, and know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Call a best friend, mom, or sister who will let you vent and will give you sound advice. It helps
4. Don’t take to social media about it. You know what I’m talking about ladies. Those sad song quotes, sexy selfies, and angry tweets ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE. He doesn’t deserve your shout-out.
5. Don’t let your past relationship affect your new blossoming relationship. Carrie Bradshaw said it best. You can’t get to a future if your past is still present.