In the car on the way to take my friend Gabby to buy a vibrator, we talked about her sex issues and why she hasn’t been able to orgasm yet.

I looked at Gabby and said, “You’re 23 years old. I just don’t understand. I figured out how to cum in third grade with a vibrating pen that my parents got me for Easter. It seems so easy.”

“Well, that’s why we are going to get me a vibrator right now so I can figure this shit out.”

I was still confused. I needed more information. “You’ve had sex before right?”

“YES!” she said. “Of course I have.”

“Do you get really wet even though you don’t cum? Don’t guys notice?”

“That’s never been an issue. I can get turned on, I just never orgasm.”

“Are you 100% sure you never have? I mean, I guess you would know?”

“I’m totally sure. I know I haven’t just by the way people describe it to me. I can tell I get close sometimes, though.”

“But the guys you’re with can tell you didn’t cum right? Or are you just open with them about it?”

“Well, sometimes if I’m dating them awhile they know I can’t orgasm but if it’s like a one night stand, I just fake it.”

“I’m sure the guys you tell that you’ve never orgasm take it has such a challenge to try and make you finish.”

She laughed, “Yeah they do, but clearly they have all failed.”

I felt bad for her. “I don’t know how you ever want to have sex knowing that you’ll never cum?”

“Well, I mean it still feels good!”

“We are going to get you to cum. I’ve taught a few girls how to orgasm in college. Wait, I didn’t mean it that way! I just verbally explained it to them.”

We parked the car and walked down the street to this random sex shop we found on Google. The outside looked exactly like you’d expect. It was all dark with no windows and only a few neon lights indicating we had arrived at the right location.

The lady at the front desk greeted us. “Hello. Can I help you find something?”

I jumped in and said, “My friend needs a vibrator.”

As you may have guessed, I have no issue embarrassing my friends. In fact, I enjoy it. The lady walked us to the back wall where there were at least 50 to choose from.

“Do you know what you’re looking for?” she said.

“We have no clue.” I looked at my friend and said, “Can we be honest with her?”

My friend said “Yeah, why the hell not.”

So I went for it. “My friend here, well, she has never had an orgasm before.”

The sex store worker stayed in professional mode the best she could and began showing us all our options. There were different sizes, textures, penetration areas and speed setting. I was glad the lady was helping us because despite having loads of my own self-induced orgasms, I had never bought nor owned a vibrator. Well, I did try one during sex once, but my boyfriend at the time got so offended by it that he almost dumped me. So, that was that.

Gabby decided on a small pink, soft latex vibrator that you lay right over the top of your clit. I felt confident in her choice and on our walk back to the car I decided to give her a little pre-usage pep talk.

“You know that a vibrator isn’t going to do all the work right? There is a huge mental aspect to this as well. You need to be super relaxed and focused.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, you need to think of something that turns you on. I’m talking something that REALLY gets you going. I guess you could watch porn but I think that might be setting you up for failure when you get into real life situations.”

“Okay…elaborate please?”

“You need to figure out a scenario that you can play out like a movie inside your mind. For example, maybe you and your roommate are watching a movie when her boyfriend decides to come over. He sits on the sofa in-between you two and there’s a blanket covering everyone. All of the sudden, he takes his hand and puts it up your skirt and starts fingering you, right there on the sofa while his girlfriend is sitting next to him. She obviously doesn’t know anything is going on or maybe she figures it out and at first she gets mad, but then she also gets really turned on and then…who knows what will happen! This is your fantasy not mine. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Ummm…that’s intense Sarah, but I think I understand.”

“You just need it to be as vivid and detailed as possible. Start slow and let the tension build up scene by scene, it’s like mental foreplay.”

She laughed, “Okay, okay, Sarah I get it!”

I dropped her off in front of her apartment, wished her luck and headed home. She didn’t contact me so I checked in with her two days later to see how everything had gone.

“Any luck? I’m dying to know.”

“Nope. I didn’t try it yet.”

“WHY?!?!”

“I didn’t feel comfortable. My roommate is going out of town soon so I think I will be more relaxed and try it then.”

“Okay, good. You got this girl. It’s worth it, trust me,” I said.

I didn’t hear from her the next day and I didn’t want to pressure her so I just waited. I waited and I waited. When five days had gone by, I texted her to check in.

“How’s it going girl? Any luck?”

“Well, not with the vibrator, but I met someone and I think he might be the solution to my problem.”

“What do you mean? You think he will be able to get you off? What makes him so different from all the other guys? The vibrator didn’t work? Did you do everything I told you to do?”

“He’s older. A lot older than me. Oh and he’s married.”

“What? How old?”

“Don’t judge me. I figured if anyone would understand it would be you.”

And she was right. I had dated men three times older than me before whom were also married.

“I’m not judging, I’m excited for you and curious!”

“He’s 42.”

I laughed. “That’s not even bad, girl. Have you guys slept together yet?”

“No but we’ve made out and he’s touched me and I can tell it’s different from the other guys who’ve tried to get me off.”

“Does he know you’ve never orgasmed before?”

“Yes.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said he was up for the challenge, but I told him I’m not just some challenge.”

“Honey, if he’s going to give you your first orgasm you can be whatever he wants you to be.”

“Well I’m going to see him tonight. We have plans to meet up and I’m going to let him come over to my place after dinner.”

“You bad girl…. I like it! Keep me posted!”

Personally, I thought she was setting herself up for more disappointment. What could this guy possibility do to her that another man hasn’t already tried? Also, if this was a mental thing, there would be nothing any man could ever do to her physically that would fix the issue. She clearly didn’t need any more voices in her head during the “act.”

I believe four days went by when I finally heard from Gabby. I was hanging on her every text message.

“Guess what!”

“What? Any luck!?!”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure, like are you positive?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

“Well what was it, what did he do to you that worked?”

“It wasn’t anything he did, it was something he said.”

“Umm okay, what was it? Gabby, I don’t want to know, I need to know!”

“Well he started to go down on me and I started to say something about how I might not be able to finish and he just looked at me and said, “Shhhh…there’s no rush here, I just want to explore you.”

And that was it. After 23 years of waiting that’s all it took. She needed to know that he was enjoying what he was doing to her, as much as she was enjoying what he was doing to her. She needed to know that there was no rush; she just needed to be relaxed.