These Are All The Ways I Love You
By Sarah Lois
I love you with a kind of love that is terrified. Terrified at the thought of losing you. Losing you to the distance that separates. Losing you to the current of life in all its business. But worst of all, terrified at the thought of losing you to another.
I love you with a kind of love that is regretful. Regretful of the words that might escape my mouth. Words that escape in times of anger, words that escape in times of hurt, words that I would not have meant, and yet still did utter.
I love you with a kind of love that is afraid. Afraid for the moments where I will fall short to show you love in a way that you can comprehend, inapt to give you comfort in a way that you can feel. Afraid for the times when I will be incapable of listening and responding in a way that you feel understood.
I love you with a kind of love that is easily angered. Angered at the idea of anyone ever hurting you. Angered at the knowledge that I can do nothing about it. Angered at the fact that sometimes, and maybe most times, I am the cause of it.
I love you with a kind of love that is proud. Proud of all that you have accomplished and have yet to accomplish. Proud of how you overcome circumstances day after day, despite how difficult it may be. But mostly, I love you with a kind of love that is proud of simply who you are.
I love you with a kind of love that is anxious. Anxious to see your smile and to hear your laugh. Anxious to hold your hand and give you a hug. More often than not, I just am anxious to know how you are, and to know that you are doing all right.
I love you with a kind of love that is full. The kind of love so full that nothing that you can ever say or do will make me love you less. A fullness that overflows that even when things are tough, it overpowers the pain.
I love you with a kind of love that is content. Content because I have never felt more joy with any other. A love so content because I know that I have everything that I ever wanted. I love you with the kind of love that is content because I have you.