I’m Single And I’m No Longer Sad About It

Dear Self,

I am so proud of you. You have freed yourself from the vicious cycle. You have realized what you deserve and will not accept anything or anyone that does not meet your newly revised standards. You finally see yourself as the spectacular person you are and recognize all that you have to offer. You are in love with your life and romantic love will be the cherry on top of it all one day.

Boy after boy entered your life, effortlessly swept you off your feet, undeservingly captured your heart, undervalued your worth, did not want to commit and then left you heartbroken, devastated and insecure. “I must have ‘RUN’ written across my forehead in invisible ink only the male breed can see,” you would joke. But you were never really joking.

You truly believed there was something wrong with you. Not pretty enough? Not skinny enough? Not interesting enough? Not funny enough? Not fun enough? Whatever it was, you were certain that YOU were the source of the problem – convinced you were lacking something crucial that doomed every attempted relationship. There was something missing, but it was irrelevant to your appearance, personality or interests…

You encountered boys who were seemingly “good fits.” They met nearly every requirement on your list of hopes and expectations: motivated, intelligent, nice, conversational, tall, good-looking… Check. Check. Check. So you would place your heart in their hands, hoping they would cherish it, before they had any right to hold it. You entrusted them with parts of your soul before knowing if they were trustworthy.

You became an emotional yo-yo contingent upon a guy to maintain its rhythm; you could only spring upwards when he gave you a reason to. You gifted them the privilege of power over your emotions, self-worth, and life because you wore your heart on your sleeve wanted nothing more than a man to seize it.

I am not trying to reopen wounds nor reprimand your former self, just gently reminding you of where you were to further appreciate how far you have come.

You no longer feel a wave of embarrassment when someone asks, “So do you have a boyfriend?” and the answer is still “no,” nor do you feel the need to justify why that is the case. You have learned to guard your heart without making it unreachable. You have found unapologetic bliss in singlehood, the same place where you used to find only lonesomeness.

You enjoy that you are no longer a slave to a piece of technology, waiting for him to finally text back. You thrive on the freedom to fill your free time with “you time” for your favorite things – exercise, writing, traveling, outings with the girls, and quiet evenings at home without company apart from a glass of red wine and a book.

You have realized you do not need to search for that special someone because you have confidence he will enter your life when the moment is right for you both. You no longer doubt your appearance or personality because you know you need not change for anyone, and the man who is right for you would never want you to anyway.

You recognize that vulnerability is a non-negotiable part of forming a relationship, but you know when the worthwhile guy comes along you’ll feel better than ever about rolling the dice and taking the risk.

For the time being you are enjoying and celebrating you. You are getting to know your tried-and-true self without a concern or an apology. You are harvesting and cultivating the person that a gentleman will one day find and be incapable of imagining his life without.