A List Of My Insecurities
- Why does my mouth do that weird thing when I talk
- I cried on the way home from work last weekend to the new Maroon 5 song
- I know the next meteor is going to land directly on me and I will die. This is going to happen very soon. Except the meteor is smaller than the one that hit Russia. Much smaller, actually. Like, really really really small. Like, the size of a bullet. Shaped like a bullet. Someone is going to shoot me very soon and I’m not going to see it coming but I’m totally going to see it coming.
- How many hours did the average person spend staring at their Twitter newsfeed today. Was is it more or less than 98% of their waking moments.
- I can’t remember how to not bullshit everything
- What are life skills and how do I grow them
- I want to go back in time when I decided to be a writer as a child and slap myself in the face and emotionally abuse myself for a year or two
- I don’t think that last one is an insecurity, that is just something I am interested in doing
- Wait do I actually know any people and do any people know me
- Do other people carry their computers with them into the bathroom when they go
- Do other people bring their chargers
- dry hands
- pointy eyebrows
- ugly crier
- wish my upper lip wasn’t so thin
- belly fat
- do i have a cavity
- will i ever have health insurance again
- am i a bad friend
- I can’t remember how to not bullshit everything in life
- Oh no am I annoying
- Do I email you too much
- Everything I’ve actually learned about life didn’t happen at college. It happened while forcing myself to drink coffee until I actually enjoyed the taste of coffee. Everything in my life goes back to dependency and the necessity that I must be alone to experience it.
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To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
I visited synagogues all over the world—from Syosset, to Beverly Hills, and back again to Jericho. Studies were made, tests were run, I tasted the blood of a virgin Jew and even conducted my very own bris.