How To Completely Forget About Someone Who Has Already Completely Forgotten About You
Go outside on a rainy day and try to count the number of raindrops that hit your face and think really hard about how water seems endless and how you may never be dry again.
Trace your birthmark with a black sharpie so that it looks like a cartoon. Study the parts of your body you hate. Stare at the parts of your body that the person you are trying to forget loved. Start rubbing your birthmark until the sharpie begins to fade. Have a conversation with your skin as it turns bright pink and begins to bruise underneath your eager fingers.
Remember how heavy and how empty you felt when you saw Melancholia at the Charles Theater with your best friend and the one you are trying to forget and remember how you wanted to hold both of their hands but instead you put your hands over your open mouth, because man, that fucking movie, and you didn’t think anything could make you feel that heavy or empty again until you realized that life is definitely going to end and it is probably going to happen very soon.
Punch something that can’t feel pain and something that also won’t hurt your hand, something like your bed pillow, or a tall dandelion that is still connected to the earth, or stand waist deep in the ocean and punch downwards, punch repeatedly until you transition from ‘punching because you are angry’ to ‘punching because you want to see how long you can focus on something other the one you are trying to forget’, and try not to think about how nice it would be, to once in a while be punching that person instead.
Vividly remember the moment you saw the one you are trying to forget walk into your vision and remember how you felt when they said your name for the first time and remember how you heard that you weren’t their type, but then all of a sudden you were, and think about how it felt really great for two years, and think about how it felt at the end and then think about how it feels right now, standing in front of a group of people who may or may not know exactly how you feel, think about how you don’t really want to forget this person at all, and how you wouldn’t be able to even if you did everything you said you would, think about getting really sick and staying in bed for a month, think about how it’s already been 6 months and maybe it’s time to move on, try not to think about how it’s not going to be any fun, but moving on and forgetting rarely is.
Start drinking until your life is literally one huge drinking game and you are winning.
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Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.