While the crazy stat that says men think about sex every 7 seconds has been debunked, the feeling behind the statistic remains true: some men can’t get sex out of their minds. Another thing that’s hard to get out of your mind? Your ex. Coupled together, sex and the ex are a hard to resist. But according to most experts, ex sex is not a good idea. Here are 6 reasons men (and women!) love ex sex and why you should stay away from it.
1. You’re familiar
No need to impress you, no need to figure out what you like, no need to wonder if you’ll freak out when he tells you his weird fantasy. The same is true for you — being with a familiar warm body is appealing — but it won’t help you get over him and it won’t help you make a new dating life for yourself.
2. You’re available
Unless he’s a master pickup artist, it’s not that easy to find someone to have sex with so if he’s looking for a quick lay and you’re available, he might take it. Protect yourself. Don’t go out for drinks with him, don’t let him stop by to drop off that sweater you left at his house and don’t answer his 2 am call.
3. He wants closure
“Just one last time, then I’ll be over you.” Ever heard that excuse? It won’t work. Sex will only bring you closer; it’s rare that sex will make you realize that you weren’t meant for each other or will give you the feeling that “it’s over.” Because it’s not actually over if you’re having sex. Because uh…you’re having sex. It’s not over.
4. He wants to win you back
Sex conjures all sorts of powerful feelings, and it’s impossible to be immune to them. Even hugging, let alone naked full body groping, produces the bonding hormone oxytocin, which can make you feel loving and cuddly towards someone you don’t want in your life anymore. And that’s his plan. The only way to make sure you’re not fooled by your body is to stay away from ex sex.
5. He wants a friend with benefits
Ah the old friends-with-benefits conundrum. Here’s the truth: You can’t have a casual sexual relationship with your ex and sex is the least casual of all relationships. There are very few benefits a lot more drawbacks: It’ll hold you back from entering a new relationship; it might even prevent you from dating people, because you’ll still feel like you have a boyfriend, but not the one you want.
6. He misses you
Aww, that’s sweet. But not a good reason to have sex. Missing someone is normal — it’s part of the grieving and recovery process — and if you have sex, both of you will have to start that process all over again.