The 6 Guys Who Distract You In College

1) The one you thought was the love of your life:

You were so overwhelmingly in love with this boy in high school, that the beginning of college was a messy game of trying to stay alive while attractive females swarm his new fraternity’s parties. Whether you believe it or not when he says he “will always love you,” each encounter with his newly single persona will only increase your risk of runny mascara and some annoyed-with-your-26th-drunken-meltdown girlfriends.

2) The one you are “talking to” but never going to be serious about:

Being hit by a bus would be no more of an obvious indication that the two of you are incompatible. There are signs, flags, all shades of bright crimson but you don’t give a shit. This is a conveniently located, seemingly successful (one day?) guy. He reminds you nothing of the ex you just stopped crying over. You can continue to party together, occasionally grab breakfast and text about things like classes until you run out of eye rolls. Eventually it may all go up in flames but accompanied by an evil “I’m back bitches” cackle.

3) The facey one night stand:

This guy is around, you happily greet each other at the bar and maybe even pretend like you’re old friends. Part of you feels mortified but another part does a mental hair flip because you feel scandalous and proud (he is pretty cute after all). One more alcohol-induced part of you wants to gush about how you really aren’t a slut but let’s be honest; you probably slurred that on the night of the crime. The relationship probably ended as fast as you got your bra off of the deer head in his bedroom and took a hungover ride to Chic-Fil-A in his F250.

4) The one who requires a time machine:

All gushing aside, this guy is a total doll face. You get along when you’re sober, you text banter for hours and he knows how many siblings you have. He often berates you for your poor decisions but admires you anyway. Maybe your friend has a crush on him, maybe one of you is always focused on something else, but something will always keep you from taking the plunge. The timing is never right; he’s simply the one who gets away.

5) The one on the back burner:

This guy has your phone number and two thumbs. That’s pretty much it. You two use each other for things like sorority date functions or group outings. Sometimes you use him late at night because you want anyone of the male sex to send you a text with a smiley face on the end. It’s not as shallow as it sounds; this mutually beneficial friendship of sorts keeps you both on your toes during life’s lulls.

6) The one you stalk on social media:

You’ve met him in person; you aren’t a total psycho. However, fate has never brought you together for more than a “hey how are ya” and you’re always left wanting more. A couple of clicks later you have all the information you need to date him in your mind. You kind of enjoy not knowing if he’s a raging douchebag in real life. From the looks of it he comes from a nice family, he hasn’t dated anyone since last summer and you guys are totally soul mates. If you’re a professional, you may notice that his Spotify is linked to his Facebook and he’s been listening to your jam.