I procrastinate. Like, a lot. But there are times when I get outbursts of energy and I get things done. Those are rare days, to be honest.
Being an IB student, I need more of those days in my life to actually get things done. It’s a struggle, really, because I like working under pressure for some reason.
But besides that, there are days when I can’t seem to get myself together and leave the bed. I can’t work or move or basically exist.
These are the days I get stressed about because I don’t do anything when I am supposed to be doing so much.
It’s weird explaining my mother about this feeling because she is a proactive person who does everything on time and expects the same from her daughter. Naturally, I am a disappointment on these days.
For a long time, I beat myself up over doing this. I would get mad at myself and panic about everything I was not doing.
I have anxiety and that makes it worse because I overthink about the long term “consequences” of wasting one day.
Now, I know you should make every single day count and work for your dreams every day. I don’t disagree, I have dreams too, like anybody else.
But on some days, I just can’t work for it. It doesn’t mean that I have given up on it or that I don’t care anymore.
I stress and panic a lot about everything, all the time. But once in a while, I just stop. It’s like, I can’t human for a day.
I just stay in bed all day and breathe. That’s the extent to the activities I do. Yes, I stay on my phone and occasionally start thinking about how everything will fall apart, but I try not to focus on the latter.
I am an introvert who struggles with social interaction and anxiety, and on these days, I just choose to stop processing those things or be a human being.
I treat myself by ordering in good food and staying in bed for the longest time whilst watching a movie or show.
Previously, when such a day would beckon, I would panic. But now, I let it be. The stress isn’t worth it.
This definitely doesn’t mean that I am telling you to not get things done and procrastinate. No, don’t do that. You still need to get through life and live.
My point is, just give yourself a break once in a while and don’t feel guilty about it. Many of my friends face this dilemma like me and I feel like many people around the world do, too. So, just let it be. Excuse yourself and hustle the next day.
Trust me, you deserve one day away from everything. Everyone does.