Why Skype Sex Is A Bad Idea
It’s not sex. There is no touching, no kissing, no actual, physical contact with the other person. “Skype sex” by definition is essentially masturbation that happens to occur in front of a web cam. What would Steve Jobs say? Probably something like, “This is not what I spent my life’s genius trying to achieve. Turn off your computer and go sleep with someone you actually care about.”
It will be awkward. No matter how sexy and put together you think you are, you are going to make a clumsy move or find some way to feel awkward. Does anyone ever actually like the way they look on Skype, in that little box peering around trying to meet their own frantic gaze? You always end up looking poorly lit, washed out, and like you have three chins. It’s even worse keeping tabs on how you look while you’re trying to get off. And where do you put the camera? On your face? On your…? I don’t know which is worse. And the awkward silences — they happen, and they’re bad. At least during real sex, you can breathe heavily and act like you’re into it, even of you aren’t. It’s just embarrassing trying to breath heavily while you’re touching yourself and looking into a web cam — you end up feeling like the star of a cheap porno. I have second-hand awkwardness just thinking about it.
It’s difficult — physically. Okay, for guys, maybe this isn’t an issue. Guys could get it done in the middle of a tsunami. But for girls, it takes a bit more work. Having an orgasm is that much harder when you’re doing it in front of a camera while someone’s staring at you. There’s way too much to think about, and it can be hard to concentrate.
It’s difficult — technically. You’re really into the moment, and the connection drops. You have to turn off the vibrator, redial each other on Skype, readjust the webcam and make sure it’s in the right position before you can continue again. No one needs that kind of interruption. It’s worse when the screen freezes. There are certain positions that nobody needs to get stuck in. Technology was never meant to improve sex.
Dirty talk. Unless you’ve had half a bottle of tequila, dirty talk is already awkward. And dirty talk + Skype = extreme awkwardness. You think it will help fill the silence and boost the mood, so you end up doing it, but no one can get away with talking dirty over video chat. It just sounds… bad. It’s just bad.
Lack of intimacy. There is no intimacy involved in Skype sex. The whole affair is based on the primal act of getting some — you both know why you turned on the computer. And afterward, there’s no cuddling, no spooning, no soft kisses that say “Even though we just did it like animals I still care about you.” Nope, none of that. Just an uncomfortable sign off before you both go to bed alone.
It becomes harder to say no. After awhile, you may find yourself in your room three nights a week, alone and naked on the computer. You get tricked into thinking your sexual needs are fulfilled, when in reality you’re missing out on all the great, real sex there is to be had. With great people, some of which have the potential to make you a whole lot happier than the person on the screen. After all, there’s a reason that person isn’t in bed next to you. Don’t forget it.
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Now, I am selfish and entitled and lazy. You have pushed me into the corner with the scraps, just as I entered into the adult realm where no one is better than the people they know.
Ok, some of these are from late 2012 but w/e they are still awesome and amazing.
But no one tells you that, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are beautiful, someone will always come around and try to shake you.
A school bans a Spanish-speaking student from speaking Spanish