“Sex in Crazy Places” hit the party playlist of everyone I knew during the winter of my senior year of college. When you go to a school of only 4,000 odd people (I employ odd here, both as a way of saying that 4,000 is an estimation, and also that all 4,000 of them were indeed odd) this translates to 1-2 house parties in any given weekend, with the exact same people making appearances, and a near exact playlist at each party, with the exception of one song that was apparently the favorite song of the group throwing the party and was completely unknown to everyone else, resulting in 5-6 party-throwers scream-singing along, while everyone else looked on, waiting for this display to end. I’m not pretending to be high and mighty about this, my group was guilty, too. Our song was the timeless Karl Wolf version of “Africa” featuring the brilliant rap styling of Culture Man. But, I digress.
“Sex in Crazy Places” was fodder for many a Sunday morning hungover brunch conversation. The conversation didn’t let up once the song got old (who am I kidding, it hasn’t gotten old), or once we graduated and went our separate ways. Today, two and a half years post-grad, on a Tuesday afternoon, my friend Alex and I picked up the conversation right where we last left off, this time via Gchat from our respective offices, with 100 miles between us. The most important and most striking thing about these conversations is that they often leave us with even more questions.
Without further word vomit on my part, I present you with the questions we have regarding the musical treasure that is “Sex in Crazy Places.”
1. Is “at your Momma house, on the couch” meant as one place or two? If you’re just like, in a guest room at your parents’ house, that’s not as weird as on the couch there. Is it a holiday? Are there additional guests? If the couch isn’t at your mother’s house, is it at home? Or in the department store Nicki Minaj mentions in the first verse?
2. At what point are things that frequently happen in movies no longer crazy? Balconies? Taxis? And really, an airplane? If they have a nickname for it, is it really crazy?
3. Could Nicki Minaj be a little more specific? She mentions Mexico, Tokyo, and Taiwan. I’m pretty sure people have sex in all those places every day.
4. Why, when he’s singing the choruses, doesn’t Bobby Valentino ever mention the time he did it in the back of a cop car (with a lady cop) as depicted in “Mrs. Officer”?
5. Why Six Flags to be drilled on a roller coaster, as opposed to another amusement park? Also, why not knock out the roller coaster while you were at Disney World in the first verse?
6. Did you not notice that your delivery of the line “sex great, sex tape / ready for a YouTube” makes it sound super creepily like you’re saying “6th grade sex tape”?
7. What are the logistics of “going up the escalator”?
8. Is the dome on the 50 you refer to the same dome that Ludacris refers to in “What’s Your Fantasy”?
9. Were you being literal about these being crazy places? Like crazy as in you might get locked up? Or did you mean crazy as in wild and fun? Because honestly, I’m not really seeing either. And unless you meant truly, actually crazy, then the line “in front of the police / in front of your Daddy” really has no place here, because that’s actually crazy.