Watch This Video Of Me Talking To Lindsay Lohan
Okay, so remember when I wrote a post about that new webseries, created by Alex Mann, called Conversations With A Twitter Feed? Well, I forgot to mention that I, along with fellow Thought Catalog writers Josh Gondelman and Gaby Dunn, had been asked to participate in an episode. When Mann also told me that I could choose a celebrity to “talk” to rather than be assigned to one, I knew immediately who I had to pick: Lindsay Lohan.
Since Amanda Bynes has been too busy taking bong rips in front of a Baja Fresh in the San Fernando Valley to actually go on Twitter, Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter feed has replaced hers as my favorite delusional D-list celeb Twitter account. Whether she’s comparing Jen Garner and Ben Affleck’s relationship to her brother and his girlfriend, #NinaGinsberg’s, or throwing thinly-veiled shade at Jennifer Lawrence, Lohan’s Twitter account manages to never not be unintentionally hilarious and #dark. Before I even signed up for Twitter, I’d go on the site just to see what bizarre and nonsensical thoughts were coming out of Lindsay’s perplexing mind. Now nary a day goes by that I don’t tweet LiLo, asking her how she’s feeling, what she’s thinking, what drugs she’s currently on. Even though she has yet to respond to any of my tweets, I know that she sees me….seeing her….seeing me. And now with my episode of Conversations With A Twitter Feed having aired, I know I’m that much closer to being acknowledged by the self-declared Artist Of Many Things….
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If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”