15 Signs You Need To Stop Drinking So Much
1. When your friends start having a nickname for you when you’re wasted. It might seem hilarious (“OMG, you guys, I think “Anastasia” is coming out tonight LOL”) but really, it’s just your friends’ polite way of saying that you turn into an unmanageable monster when you drink too much.
2. You go to bed sober one night and think to yourself, “Wow, I can’t remember the last time I went to bed without having something in me. This is weird!”
3. When you find yourself meeting people for the first time, only to have them remind you that you have, in fact, met before. You were just really drunk that night.
4. You are always broke but somehow always have the money to buy alcohol.
5. You tell your friends about a “wild” and “crazy” night you just had and instead of laughing with you, your friends are like, “Um, that sounds scary and dangerous. Are you okay?”
6. You don’t really get hangovers anymore. It’s just a permanent state of being.
7. You tell people you’ve been on a bender… that’s been going on for a year.
8. You pretend to leave the bar and say goodbye to your friends but then when they’re out of eyesight, you sneak back in and continue to drink.
9. You find weird excuses to celebrate AKA drink. “You guys, it’s 6 p.m. on a Tuesday!!! Let’s have a Tuesday evening party! Let’s just be weird and get drunk now. So random but perfect!” *crickets*
10. You drink alone and not in a “I had a really bad day and just wanna drink some wine and listen to Mazzy Star” kind of way.
11. You can’t count how many hazy bar makeouts you’ve had, which might be for the best. If you saw some of the people you’ve hooked up with in the daylight, your private parts might just scream and permanently detach themselves from your body.
12. The highlight (and only reason) you go to brunch is because it’s socially acceptable day drinking.
13. More than one person has told you that they’ve never seen you sober.
14. You get legitimately pissed when a friend won’t drink with you. “Wait, why are you trying to sabotage me? Just have one drink with me…”
15. You’ve ruined or lost five iPhones.
If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
By Ella Ceron
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”