15 Signs You Need To Stop Drinking So Much
1. When your friends start having a nickname for you when you’re wasted. It might seem hilarious (“OMG, you guys, I think “Anastasia” is coming out tonight LOL”) but really, it’s just your friends’ polite way of saying that you turn into an unmanageable monster when you drink too much.
2. You go to bed sober one night and think to yourself, “Wow, I can’t remember the last time I went to bed without having something in me. This is weird!”
3. When you find yourself meeting people for the first time, only to have them remind you that you have, in fact, met before. You were just really drunk that night.
4. You are always broke but somehow always have the money to buy alcohol.
5. You tell your friends about a “wild” and “crazy” night you just had and instead of laughing with you, your friends are like, “Um, that sounds scary and dangerous. Are you okay?”
6. You don’t really get hangovers anymore. It’s just a permanent state of being.
7. You tell people you’ve been on a bender… that’s been going on for a year.
8. You pretend to leave the bar and say goodbye to your friends but then when they’re out of eyesight, you sneak back in and continue to drink.
9. You find weird excuses to celebrate AKA drink. “You guys, it’s 6 p.m. on a Tuesday!!! Let’s have a Tuesday evening party! Let’s just be weird and get drunk now. So random but perfect!” *crickets*
10. You drink alone and not in a “I had a really bad day and just wanna drink some wine and listen to Mazzy Star” kind of way.
11. You can’t count how many hazy bar makeouts you’ve had, which might be for the best. If you saw some of the people you’ve hooked up with in the daylight, your private parts might just scream and permanently detach themselves from your body.
12. The highlight (and only reason) you go to brunch is because it’s socially acceptable day drinking.
13. More than one person has told you that they’ve never seen you sober.
14. You get legitimately pissed when a friend won’t drink with you. “Wait, why are you trying to sabotage me? Just have one drink with me…”
15. You’ve ruined or lost five iPhones.
You’re not nice, honey, you’re bitter.
By Alannah Ryan
If you can’t afford to tip. EAT. AT. HOME. In fact don’t eat at all. Go starve and die.
By Anne Gus
“GET OFF HER HAIR, IDIOT!”
By Rob Fee
I’m not made of porcelain and I’m not going to break if you use the wrong words or reveal yourself to be a terrible person.