My 5 Most Memorable New Year’s Eve Experiences

Dec. 29, 2012

1. December 31st, 2003

My last New Year’s Eve without alcohol for an indefinite period of time/possibly forever? My friends and I are juniors in high school and don’t “feel like drinking” so instead we play cards at a friend’s house and go to the beach. Even though we were stone cold sober, we somehow managed to stay up till sunrise because we’re 16 with limitless amounts of energy and have an undying thirst to be TOGETHER AT ALL TIMES. “Don’t go to sleep! Let’s talk some more! I’m having so much fun just being near my friends aHHHH my friends aRe mi life!!!!”

2. December 31st, 2004

2004 was the year I discovered alcohol, my homosexuality and sex (in that order) so simply playing cards and drinking apple cider wasn’t going to cut it this time around. Since my mom decided to go out of town and spend the holiday at her BF’s place (ha ha, parents are dumb) I decided to throw a full-fledged rager at my house. The party ended up being a roaring success, despite everyone tracking mud onto the tile (OMG, you guys, quit it!) and my high school BF making out with THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE who weren’t me over the course of the night. In typical dramatic gay teenager fashion, I ended up finding out about these forbidden kisses 30 minutes after the fact and cursed him out in front of the entire party. “What you did was not cool!” I screamed while possibly wearing a feather boa. “I can’t believe you cheated on me at my own party!” After the clock struck midnight, however, I got emotional and decided to forgive him for his sins. “I just can’t imagine spending 2005 without you,” I rubbed up against him, crying Cook’s champagne tears. “Love you so much babe…” We broke up three weeks later.

3. December 31, 2006

I go to Long Beach in hopes of attending a killer NYE bash but realize hours into my trip that I’m experiencing terrible flu-like symptoms. (PERHAPS I’M ALLERGIC TO FUN?) Even though I’ve done it plenty of times in the past, I’m not too keen on spending the evening vomiting in some stranger’s apartment, so I hop on a bus to L.A. and spend the night convalescing at my parents house. As part of his “get well’ regimen, my father feeds me hash oil that dissolves on my tongue and I end up passing out at 10:30. Happy New Year’s to me! (The year before, I self-diagnosed myself with mono and spent New Year’s Eve wearing a curtain of self-pity and sulking in the corner of a non-descript house party. This, in many ways, was an improvement.)

4. December 31, 2007

My friends decide to throw a party at their apartment in Westwood and it ends up being THE BEST NEW YEAR’S EVE EVER. Everyone from my hometown attends, which turns it into a bona fide “blast from the past” orgy, and people proceed to get wasted on vodka and our mutual love for one another. By the end of the night, no one has cried in the bathroom or thrown a punch. That fact alone makes the party a victory. The only downside of the evening was that there were no gay guys in attendance, although my friend’s boyfriend did fondle me inappropriately on the couch. That was admittedly strange but also not the least bit surprising. If I had a dime for every straight guy who touched me in a distinctly gay way, I’d have enough money to build my own goddamn boyfriend by now.

5. December 31st, 2011

I’ve written about that shame spiral hereTC Mark

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