1. Getting REAL letters in the mail. “Are you serious? This isn’t a bill or a catalog? It’s someone who wrote words down in a card and put it in the mailbox to be sent specifically to me? Oh my god, that also means that they bought a stamp! I’m going to cry.”
2. Open bars. “So you’re telling me I can drink for… free? You just hand me alcohol and I drink it?” How come at every open bar, you drink like it’s going to be taken away from you? You worry that when you’re not looking, the open bar will suddenly disappear (I knew it was too good to be true!) so you just pound drink after drink out of extreme fear and paranoia.
3. When you can skip lines to get into clubs. Yes, it feels douche-y. No, you don’t really go to clubs but whatever. If you know the door person and can get into a “hot” club with no hassle, you’re going, if only to feel important and see the outrage on people’s faces when they see you cut to the front.
4. The moment you realize what type of clothes are the most flattering for your body. “Are you kidding me? Why did this take so long?”
5. Getting anything for free. Magazines, books, clothes, music, drugs, whatever. 20-somethings will take ANYTHING, so long as its free. WE DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THINGS THAT ARE ZERO DOLLARS.
6. Food. Not eating it (ew!). Just taking pictures of it. “I get so full from just Instagramming my food. I’m on the Instagram diet. You should try it!”
7. Convincing yourself that you’re eating healthy even if, in fact, you’re just eating organic macaroni and cheese.
8. Assholes who never return our texts but give us amazing orgasms. (JK, they make us miserable.)
9. When someone loves us enough to pick us up from the airport.
10. Finding your new favorite song and knowing that it will carry you through the entire day.
11. When you’re at a party and someone’s drunker than you. “Phew, good to know that it’s not my turn to be a trainwreck tonight.”
12. When our friends give us birthday gifts. Any gifts.
13. Finding money in our pockets. Finding money anywhere actually. We will NOT try to find the owner of a twenty dollar bill.
14. Loving your parents and making it through an entire day without fighting with them.
15. Finding a person who fits this description: “I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.”
16. Flaking on a friend and having them not mention it the next time you see each other. You feel like you got away with murder.
17. When you read a “smart” book and actually end up liking it. All of a sudden, it becomes your favorite book of all time because it’s socially-acceptable and will make people feel intimidated by you.
18. A full DVR of unwatched shows and an entire day to view them.
19. When someone tells you that you’re good in bed. I mean…
20. A text message that validates your entire existence and lets you know that someone would like to maybe see you naked one day soon.
21. Beyonce and Jay-Z. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling hanging out with Beyonce and Jay-Z?
22. Sort of knowing a famous person and telling everyone that you really know a famous person. “I mean we weren’t best friends but we definitely knew each other. Like, I have her phone number.”
23. Seeing people from your high school become fat and miserable. This will never get old. They will only become more fat and more miserable.
24. Telling people that you used to be “really crazy back in the day” but now you have your crap together.
25. Talking shit. A good shit-tallking session feels similar to taking a satisfying dump. But instead of it coming out of your butt, it comes out of your brain. Shit talking = a brain dump.
26. Having people tell you that they love you on the Internet.
27. Meeting a stranger at a house party and realizing, within two minutes, that they “get it.”
28. Meeting someone stupid and being like, “Thank god I’m not stupid.”
29. Finding the perfect pair of jeans that accentuate your best assets and hide your worst. Honestly, this can be more important than finding, like, the perfect relationship. Haven’t you seen Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants?