6 Bad Reasons To Have Sex With Someone
1. You feel like you owe it to the person. “I mean, they’ve been so nice to me. I should just do it with them. It’s the right thing to do!” Uh, no. You owe someone 13 dollars when they buy your ticket to the movies. You don’t owe your vagina/penis to anyone, no matter how amazing they’ve been. (Unless, of course, you want to sleep with them. In which case, go for it! They sound great!)
2. You’re bored. Bored sex is hell on Earth. It just amplifies the restlessness you’re currently feeling and makes it 10 times worse because now you’ve involved another unsuspecting party. This poor fool thought they were getting invited to some potentially amazing sex but nope. You’re just bored. All you can really do is moan on cue and turn over, if need be.
3. You’re doing it for revenge purposes, to get back at someone. Not only is that a totally dick thing to do, it will most likely leave you feeling like crap. No one has ever felt permanent satisfaction from having revenge sex. No one has ever been like, “You know what really got me through my break up and cured all of my woes? When I had sex with someone else and flaunted it around my ex. Seriously, revenge sex saved my life!”
4. Money. And I’m not even referring to the classic definition of a prostitute. People have sex for money all the time. Some just don’t ask for the cash immediately afterwards. They either get it before in the form of a fancy dinner or expect some sort of gift further down the line. WE’RE ALL WHORES, OKAY? Haha, no but I’m serious, we are and I guess that’s okay but I mean, we should really just start having sex with only people that we like and care about. Them having money should only be a bonus, something to brag about to all of your friends who are still dating starving artists with big dicks.
5. They’re supposedly out of your league and you want to prove to people that you can bone a babe. Actually, screw that. Showing your friends that you can have sex with people who are hotter than you is a totally legit reason to fornicate. BECAUSE THEY NEED TO KNOW. They need to know that this face does not prevent you from having sex with that hot body.
6. You’re feeling isolated from everything and everyone so you just need something, anything, to remind you that you’re alive and can connect and still matter, albeit briefly, to a person. Someone needs to fill you up, needs to grab your skin and leave a mark, needs to hurt you, make you moan, and tear at the sheets. You forget though that sex isn’t always progress. Sex isn’t always a step forward. Sometimes it can be empty and leave an irrevocable mark. Fill you up only to be drained later. Moment of connection followed by a prolonged feeling of disconnection. This is perhaps the most dangerous reason to have sex: To do it just to feel it a part of something. Because if you do an intimate act with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself or can’t give you what you want, you’re going to end up more lost than when you initially started. I advise you to f-ck carefully. Wear a condom for your body AND your brain.
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3. Really good Groupon deals.
1. They treat a waitress poorly.
How many resumes have we submitted, never to hear a reply? How many slices of dollar pizza have we barely been able to afford this week?
“WE WERE ON A BREAK!”