10 Signs That Your Birthday Party Was A Success
1. People actually showed up which means that you definitely/probably have friends! Birthdays tend to make you paralyzed with self-doubt, don’t they? All of a sudden, you’re seriously questioning whether or not you actually have any friends, let alone enough to fill a birthday party. Sometimes you don’t (oops!) but friends of friends will end up coming and filling the space. Fear not, friendless one! People will usually come to anything that involves free cake and/or drama!
2. No one ended up sobbing in the bathroom. This may not seem like a victory but trust me, it is. There’s something about birthday parties that trigger the emotional fireworks. Sometimes the party’s not over until the birthday girl/boy cries with cake in their hair while surrounded by a giant group of concerned friends. “OMG, what’s wrong with Samantha?!” “I don’t know. I think she’s sad about being closer to death or something.”
3. You made a good choice with the venue. I threw my birthday party at a bar this year and it seriously filled me with so much anxiety and dread. I couldn’t stop worrying about it potentially being too crowded and no one being able to move. Or worse, what if it was too empty and everyone felt awkward? I’ve been to so many bad birthday parties in bars where no one could sit or even talk because the music was too loud. People would whisper, “This bar sucks. Why did they choose to throw it here?” Ugh, the judgment! Luckily, it worked out for me. The bar was filled with just enough people and there was a DJ playing songs that are fun to dance to when you’re drunk. The key is to throw your birthday somewhere where there’s music and dancing. I’m sorry but sitting in booths at a dive bar seriously limits the amount of fun you can have on your birthday. Don’t do it.
4. Everyone agrees to get wasted. The best birthday parties are the ones where all of your guests decide to get cray cray. There’s no weak link holding back and being like, “I’m a sober sister tonight.” No, you can’t be sober because it affects my inebriation negatively! YOU ARE JUST SO SELFISH! It’s imperative for people to be on the same #YOLO page in order for your party to reach maximum heights of insanity.
5. That being said, it’s not chic when anyone vomits at your birthday. Vomit is not fun for anyone.
6. You feel attractive. No one wants to show up to their birthday party feeling like a gargoyle. Sometimes it’s worth it to splurge and buy a brand new birthday outfit just so you can feel fresh. Anything to make you feel like a million dollar bill, right?
7. You hook up with someone. I mean, hell, you’re owed it. If you can’t find someone to go home with on your birthday, when can you?! It should be a law that someone has to sleep with you on your birthday. Let’s start a charity!
8. Someone brings you a gift. It can be anything. A card even! When did people stop buying each other birthday gifts?! Seriously, nowadays I’m shocked when I get the littlest something from someone! I get that we’re all broke as a joke but still…
9. You don’t have to pay for drinks. They just appear in front of you, no questions asked, and you guzzle them down. At the end of the night, you have no bar tab to settle and you can just float away…
10. You wake up the next day and all your friends tell you, “Your birthday was a success.” I mean, do you need any more confirmation than that? Plus, you’ve been spared a gnarly hangover. Bless the gods!
If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
By Ella Ceron
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”