8 Reasons Why You Should Call Me Maybe
- Because I gave you my number and that took so much courage/five glasses of wine! I don’t usually give my number out to anyone unless we’ve already been making out at the bar or something. And even then, I’m still like, “Gee, I know they had my hand down my pants but I’m not sure if they like me…”
- Because I need to see you naked and in order for that to happen, you need to call me. Just pick up that phone and start dialing. My naked body will be waiting for you on the other end of the line.
- Because I want somebody to eat chips and guacamole with after work. I want to come home and see you there on the couch ready to eat and watch TV with me. I mean, I don’t know you, but if you call me, I hope you’ll be someone I can watch TV with.
- Because I need you to let me know that I’m not dead inside. I need to know that I can still connect with another person and giving you my number made me feel the most alive I’ve felt in months so I figure we’re off to a good start.
- Because a month ago, I got terribly sick and no one was around to take care of me. I had a vision of my future, single and alone and puking, and it scared me straight. When I told you to “call me maybe,” what I really meant to say was, “hold my hair back when I’m puking please.” If you call me, I promise not to puke though.
- Because my therapist told me to “put myself out there more” and I trust her because she has long flowing hair and lives in a co-op in Chelsea. If you called me, you’d be really helping me out with my progress in therapy. It’d get her off my back at least and for that I’d be eternally grateful.
- Because I’m nice and funny and smart and a good kisser and I will go down on you because I’ll want to celebrate your penis, which is an extension of you, and I’ll pick out the peanuts in your pad thai because you might be allergic (JK, I won’t do that), and I’ll love your body regardless of what it looks like or if it’s my type because a dick is a dick and an ass is an ass, and I’ll make you listen to my weird music, which you’ll find charming, and I don’t know. You should call me maybe because we could have fun. Everyone needs to have fun, right?
- Because I’m someone who’s worth loving. I’m someone who’s worth disrupting your little life routine for. Call me maybe and we’ll get to talk and meet up in person and kiss and have sex and gush to our friends about each other and go to parties and leave together hand-in-hand and fall asleep in the cab back to our home. You can’t have any of this without the phone call though. It all begins there.
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.