February 22, 2012

The First Time You See Your Ex After The Breakup

Report This Article
What is the issue?

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. You imagined seeing your ex on one of the many times you half-stalked them after the break up. You went to parties they had RSVPed to in hopes of having a casual run-in. “OMG, what are you doing here?! I’m so shocked. I had no idea. Hi! Hi…” In more desperate and darker moments, you would even sometimes wander down their street to gaze at their apartment builiding. Don’t judge, okay? You were in the neighborhood! They don’t own the block, they just live on it!

All of the times you had hoped to run into them, you made sure to look your best. Deep down, you knew it was fruitless — people don’t just fall in love with someone again because they have a good hair day — but you can just chalk it up to your post-breakup “magical thinking.” This was during a time in which you actually believed that wearing the right outfit and perfume could get them back. They were on the fence until you spritzed on some scent and then they were swayed. The verdict is in. They love you again! (It sounds crazy because it is. That being said, there is a certain kind of comfort that comes with losing your damn mind.)

It never happens the way you want it to. You spend all of that time desperate to run into your ex, and it never happens. Take off those jeans that make your ass look good. Retire the witty banter. It’s safe to go outside looking like crap again.

Until one day when it actually does happen. One day when you’re wearing your “I’m over it!” shorts and a pizza-stained t-shirt, you will run into them and want to die. That’s no exaggeration either. You will want to 100% physically die, disappear into thin air, get stabbed by a homeless person and bleed to death just so you won’t have to interact with someone who fell out of love with you.

You’ll take some solace in seeing your ex also look like they were hit by a bulldozer. That’s good. You like that. Stunned reactions indicate that they still feel something towards you. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. At least it’s not indifference! Give me that shocked expression again!

The conversation you have will feel like nails on a chalkboard. You’ll say the words “Good. Really Good. Jobs. Work. Weather,” and they won’t mean a thing to you. Is “I’m doing really good!” even English? It’s Greek, right? You don’t know Greek. When you’re having a conversation and both parties know it’s BS, a thickness develops with each and every single word. “How are you?” weighs approximately 5,000 pounds. “See you later!” is weightless.

You’ll want to kick them and screw them. Grab the body that doesn’t belong to you anymore. Go ahead. I dare you.

Chicken.

Wow, oh wow, isn’t it weird when someone is your everything and then becomes a nothing? Shocker. Electrocuted. To be fair, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you signed up for this whole “falling in love” business! Didn’t you read the fine print? “Thou shalt become a stranger eventually.” You should really pay closer attention to those relationship contracts.

Anyway, it’s over before it ever really begins. The ex leaves you just like they did a few months ago and you’re left standing next to a man who’s selling incense sticks.

Go home and die for about seven hours. Maybe masturbate. You’ve earned it. Slowly nurse yourself back to health. You’re going to be okay. Your ex is going to be okay. The Greek will suddenly turn into English and everything will make sense again.

Just pray you never run into them again. TC mark

image – rmricci
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 74,504 other followers