I can’t wait until I can be disgusting with you. Don’t get me wrong, the honeymoon period is amazing. It feels like every day is a beautiful new discovery and you’re on D R U G S but it’s also exhausting. It’s exhausting because you’re working your ass off to be the most charming and sexy version of yourself. You make them believe that you’re someone who just is casually flawless and put together every day when, in reality, you’re putting yourself under a magnifying glass. When you go out to dinner, you don’t even order what you want because it could potentially be messy to eat or give you stomach issues. Even your order isn’t real! It’s what your perfect self would order. And we think it’s what your new boyfriend or girlfriend would want from you, like they give a crap what you order, but the pressure is actually all coming from you. You’re doing this yourself. You’re the one who’s putting yourself through version 2.0 torture.
On a certain level, it’s fun to push yourself towards this idea of excellence. I don’t care how demeaning it might sound, it’s nice to want to look good for somebody else. I usually try to look cute every day for my own personal satisfaction but in the beginning of a new relationship, I try to up my face game by, like, I don’t know, putting wax in my hair and running my hands through it? Wearing a chic ensemble? Guys only have so much they can do to transform themselves from a Danny Devito to a Ryan Gosling. I can’t imagine though the pressure and the amount of money girls spend to impress a new significant other.
In a way, it sounds sad and pathetic that we feel the need to alter ourselves in order to impress a new love. In the beginning though, it feels so precarious, like someone would leave you if you had a bad hair day, but ultimately I don’t think it’s actually about changing yourself. Whoever you end up in a relationship with should inspire you to be the best version of yourself. They’re basically meant to bring you back to life. You’ve gone from feeling complete apathy to passion. It’s supposed to be empowering.
That being said, I can’t wait until I can feel empowered when I look like Danny Devito in front of you. The Ryan Gosling thing was cute and made me feel good about myself but now it’s time to deflate for a bit. It’s time to let my face return to its semi-haggard state because when you finally let your significant other see all of you, it means so much for the relationship. It means that there’s a level of trust being established and you’re no longer being ruled by your insecurities. It’s going to take a lot more than a casual fart on a Sunday morning to ruin the relationship. You’ve settled in, you feel like you’ve got ‘em, and they’re not going anywhere. You’re getting comfortable now.
I can’t wait until you see my cry face. It’s super ugly. Crying for the first time in a new relationship is a milestone because it means you care enough about them to let things get bad for a second. I see crying as a positive thing. I don’t trust relationships that are good 24/7 because it usually means they lack a certain level of depth or passion. I don’t love you until you make me cry, until you see me vomit, until I fart in your face and refuse to feel weird about it. To me, love doesn’t come with the first “I love you.” It comes with the first fart so can we just fast forward a few months and just be there already? Thanks.