December 14, 2011

Why It’s Okay To Go Completely Insane After A Break Up

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What is the issue?

Have you recently been dumped? If so, I sincerely apologize. That must be really hard for you and I wish you the best! But I also want you to know that you’re insane right now. No, I mean I love you, but you’re in a crazed state. I know you’re saying the words “I’m fine! I’m over it! I’ve already healed!” but we all know that’s a lie. You’re silently losing it every second of every day.

The interesting thing about break ups is that people like to sometimes pretend they’re no big deal. They entitle themselves to a few days of grieving but then, when they realize that break ups are an implicit race of who gets over it first, they try to go through the grieving process at 150 MPH. That’s when they start feeding their friends lies like, “Yeah, I was upset for awhile (openly for five days) but I’m not lying when I say that I’m over it. Like everything’s fine. There’s no ill will!” Meanwhile, you watch them continually try to steer the conversation back to their ex, which proves that they’re the only thing on their minds, and make constant digs at their character. I mean, I just don’t get it. When did it become so taboo to admit that things sucked and you weren’t over someone? What’s so shameful about that? What’s so crazy about saying, “I can’t stop thinking about them. It’s all I’ve been able to do and it’s driving me nuts!”? Oh my god, you have feelings? Sick.

People try to cheat the grieving process and press fast forward. They want to show their friends and family that they’re just great, that they’re in a good place and that’s it! They beat the break up blues! The reality of the situation, however, is quite different. By not allowing yourself to be crazy after a break up, you actually become even more crazy. Oh, the irony! The people who never allow themselves to openly grieve are the ones who actually never get over anything. In their attempt to finish first in the break up race, they always end up finishing last.

I get why someone will pretend that they’re okay after the dissolution after a break up. It’s not easy for many people to show vulnerability, to allow themselves to show hurt. And I also think a lot of people are able to believe in their own lies, which is something I’ve never been able to do and I’m even a little envious of. But it’s always a bad idea. It never works out. You just end up feeling miserable and crazy in secret, which is the absolute worst. If you ever truly want to get over an ex, you have to commit to crazy for a little bit. You have to commit to going on the emotional rollercoaster and not get off of it until you’re good and ready. Try telling your friends the truth when they ask how you’re doing. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it. It feels terrible when your BFF is clearly hurting and they’re telling you that everything is great. Quite frankly, it’s insulting.

So go ahead. Be crazy after a break up. In the end, it’s the only way you’ll be able to be sane again. Isn’t that funny? Ha. Ha. Ha. TC mark

image – Girl Interrupted
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