November 1, 2011

10 Things That Have Lasted Longer Than Kim Kardashian’s Marriage

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Surprise, surprise! Kim Kardashian has punk’d America by filing for divorce from her husband, Kris Humphries, after a mere 72 days. What a great prank, Kim! I just hope that whoever bought you the $72,000 coffee pot on your wedding registry isn’t too mad! To give you an idea of just how short 72 days is, here’s a number of things that have lasted longer. Warning: I’m terrible at simple addition so some of these might not add up right. What? I’M CREATIVE.

1. The filming of Titanic lasted 160 days. That’s 88 days longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage. By the way, did you know that the Titanic set  was so intense and horrible that an angry crew member laced everyone’s clam chowder with PCP? 50 people were sent to the hospital and Bill Paxton felt “listless” for two weeks afterwards. James Cameron managed to vomit before the drug could take hold, much to the chagrin of the crew members, I’m sure.

2. Lindsay Lohan has spent more time in various rehab centers than Kim has as a married woman. The timeline for her stays in rehab go something like this: In 2007, Lindsay Lohan entered Wonderland and completed a 30-day program. A few months later, she received a DUI after chasing her assistant’s mother through Santa Monica and entered Promises rehab for 45 days. Or wait, maybe she chased her assistant’s mother the third time she went to rehab? Anyway, shortly after she left Promises, she received ANOTHER DUI and went to rehab for the third time for two months at Cirque Lodge in Utah. So just to refresh your memory, Lohan has been to rehab three times in less than a year. In 2010, Lindsay entered court-mandated rehab at UCLA and stayed 24 days. Shortly after that, she was ordered back into rehab for three months at Betty Ford Center. Ready to add that up? Lindsay Lohan has spent an approximate 249 days in rehab. That’s almost a year of her life since 2007. That’s three and a half Kim Kardashian and Kim Humphries marriages.

3. Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley’s marriage lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s by 35 days. Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney were married for 225 days before Zellweger ended it and cited ‘fraud’ as the reason. A fraudulent marriage somehow lasted longer than one that was televised for TV. Interesting. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s marriage surpassed Kim’s as did Drew Barrymore’s and Tom Green’s. The only marriage that beat Kim’s was Jason Alexander’s and Britney Spears’, which lasted for only 55 hours AKA enough time for the coke and Ecstasy to wear off.

4. Elizabeth Smart went missing for nine months, nearly four times the length of Kim’s marriage. That means Elizabeth Smart survived in captivity with psycho sexual abusers longer than Kim stayed married to Kris.

5. Trudie Styler and Sting are famous practitioners of tantric sex. It is reported that they have had orgasms that have lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.

6. In 1995, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s song “One Sweet Day” spent 16 weeks at number one on the Billboard Music Charts. That’s almost double the time Kim Kardashian spent married to Kris Humphries. 72 not-so-sweet days…

7.Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil spent 216 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List. That’s a lot longer than 72 days.

8.Kourtney Kardashian’s son, Mason, was born on December 14, 2009, which makes him almost two years old. Kim would have to get married, like, 8 times for 72 days each to match Mason’s age.

9. This one time I dated a guy I had nothing in common with for four months because it was winter and I didn’t want to be cold at night. We were together longer than Kim and Kris. What?

10. This one time I bleached my hair in the 7th grade so I could look more like Lil’ Kim. It lasted a year, which is like Kim’s marriage times five. TC mark

image – toglenn
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