September 29, 2011

Why It’s Okay To Date Someone You Don’t Have Strong Feelings For

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What is the issue?

I don’t have much experience in dating, or even in love for that matter, but I do know quite a bit about having vague four-month relationships with people you don’t have strong feelings for. I’m like the certified expert of vague relationships. I speak at colleges and to girls crying on the kitchen floor all the time. Before I moved to New York, I didn’t have much experience and I certainly didn’t know what I wanted in a dude. So what did I do? I sampled! I dated people just for the hell of it. Why not? And through those relationships, I began to get a clearer idea of what I wanted. That’s why no matter how bad a relationship actually ended up being, I still felt thankful for it. Because by dating someone who was completely wrong for me, I got closer to discovering who was right for me. Plus, it’s fun! Just because I knew things weren’t going to last forever, doesn’t mean I didn’t have amazing moments with these people. There was tenderness, there were genuine feelings. There just wasn’t “FOREVER” stitched across their forehead.

I learned so much about myself from dating. I was challenged and put out of my comfort zone. I was taught how to compromise and how to deal with different personalities. It was exciting, scary, and foreign. That’s how it feels every time you meet someone new though, right? Even if the sparks aren’t flying, it’s still an adventure. New bodies to explore, new quirks to navigate. You learn a lot about people by just being with them, by just lying in bed and watching the television with their head on your chest.

Not all relationships have to go somewhere. For awhile, I think it’s good for people to just date for the sake of dating. The only thing you have to be wary of is a pesky thing called FEELINGS. As I mentioned before, there were genuine feelings between me and these guys, and it sometimes made for a difficult ending. When you date casually, you have to be aware of the fact that it might not always stay that way. People often like to pretend that they don’t have hearts or brains and get into casual relationships thinking they can handle it. But a few months down the line, humanity rears its ugly head and we find ourselves getting upset over things we swore never to get upset about. When you enter loose relationships, just make sure to always be realistic. Not being honest with yourself is the fastest way to book a room in advance at Heartbreak Hotel.

It’s funny that I’m saying all of this now because for the past year, I’ve actually decided to stop casual dating. I can no longer get into relationships with someone knowing they’re not going to last. I don’t have the time or energy to invest like I did in college. But if you haven’t done it yet, you should! Take my Casual Dating pants. They don’t fit me anymore but they might look great on you! TC mark

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