June 21, 2011

7 Things You Should Know About Girls

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What is the issue?

I love girls and I like to surround myself with them as much as possible. I’m by no means an expert (I think I would need a vagina in order to be considered one) but I’ve learned some interesting things about them throughout the years. Warning: It sounds like I’m speaking for all women in this article (OMG, the title) but I’m actually not. I’m talking about my experiences and my women.

1. Some of them hate other girls for no apparent reason. This is the kind of girl who has a lot of guy friends and calls herself a tomboy. She claims to not have many girlfriends because she thinks they are so much drama and she only likes people who are chill. Yeah… I don’t buy it. Do you? In my experience, these kinds of girls are just super competitive and feel superior when they’re  surrounded by a bunch of dudes—even if it’s platonic. This goes against the message of the groundbreaking film, Mean Girls, which is that girls need to love each other! Otherwise, they’re allowing themselves to get teared down by men. Feminism 101.

2. Overall, girls seem to pay more attention than men. They pay attention to people’s feelings, to social dynamics, to the temperature (it’s too hot, it’s too cold). They’re in tune with the things going on around them. And thank god for that because these sensitive beautiful creatures just seem to get it. My best girlfriends are the most thoughtful empathetic ladies ever. Their compassion never ceases to amaze me (and sometimes overwhelm me).

3. A lot of them don’t know how much they’re getting screwed over. They think a film like The Ugly Truth is empowering, they read He’s Just Not That Into You, and feed into the ideas that are designed to hurt them, they read Cosmo for guidance. It’s easy for me to see that these things are all horrible but that’s because I have a penis. I imagine that being a girl must make it so much harder to break away from these messages in popular culture. You’re the target audience and women are usually the ones relaying the messages, which gives you the false impression that it’s feminism or something. Hint: Feminism should never make you feel like a psycho bitch who is waiting for a boy to text her back.

4. Food is touchy. Food is a thing even if it’s not a thing, you know? You don’t have to be Karen Carpenter to say something disparaging about your body. You just have to read an issue of Vogue.

5. Throughout my life, I’ve always been drawn to the kind of energy women exude. I don’t know how to really describe it but I do know that it’s truly mesmerizing to just watch girls get dressed in the morning, apply lipstick, walk down the street, laugh, cry, dance waving their hair around wildly, get naked, go swimming. I guess this kind of admission isn’t surprising coming from a gay man. I remember studying my mom in the same way as a child. I would follow her around the house every day and watch her intently as she sprayed some perfume on her neck before she went out. I never dressed up in her clothes though. Promise.

6. Girls are tough but they’re also fragile. It’s an interesting duality. They’ll be the first person to cry over a sentimental commercial but they also endure blood coming out of their vagina once a month, childbirth and being catcalled by a construction worker. They fight small battles every day and accept it as a part of their lives. It’s funny to me that masculinity is all tied into your physical prowess. Because when it comes to dealing with the difficult things you can’t just punch in the face, men will often shut down completely and become completely weak. Living in New York City or any other metropolitan city, gender roles are obviously less defined. For $1600 a month, you can live in a Michael Cera-induced New Masculinity bubble! Outside those city limits though, things can still be very caveman and scary.

7. Here is something that I’ve found sort of interesting. In my group of girlfriends, I’ve discovered that a lot of them are attracted to women. And not in a “I kissed a girl and my boyfriend liked it” Katy Perry kind of way.  Hell, they wouldn’t even classify themselves as bisexual. They just like to do things like masturbate to lesbian porn or have sex with a girl occasionally. Is that, like, a thing or are all of my girlfriends just dipped into the extra freaky sauce? TC mark

image – Brian Boulos
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