April 20, 2011

A Guide to Life in the Summertime

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It will be here soon. Can you sense it? It’s summer, the season that makes life worth living! It never ceases to amaze me how awesome summer actually is. It’s such a magical stretch of time that comes with its own set of rules and particular mood. When you’re in school, it obviously symbolizes a break from your usual routine. But even as you get older and find yourself in a yearlong grind, summer still has the ability to lend spontaneity and whimsy to your life.

Everyone wants to fuck in the summertime. Who could blame you? You’re practically naked for three months. Short shorts, tank tops, barefoot in the sand. You’re so close to sex everyday. You’re grazing it with your crop top, your bathing suit. You’re kissing it with your ice cream cone, your popsicle. You’re fondling it in swimming pools and anytime someone applies sunscreen to your bare back. After spending the last five months in layers, in winter coats, facing the bottom of Ben & Jerry’s pints, you’re more than ready to show some skin. “GET THIS FABRIC OFF OF MY BODY. YOU KNOW I’M ALLERGIC TO IT DURING THE SUMMER!”

Summer is a time to fall in lust, not in love. It’s a time for you to get naked and roll around with someone while the air conditioning is blasting (Sex without air conditioning is not cute. Invest.). Summer relationships usually burn fast and furious. In June, you’re making out at BBQ’s, in parks, on rooftops. In July, you’re rolling around together in the sand and having pregnancy scares. In August, the relationship is hitting its apex. You’re accidentally holding hands and going on weekend getaways to Cape Cod. It’s 100 degrees out and you’re essentially suffering from heatstroke delusions. When the temperature drops in September and you put on your first cardigan, things start to make sense again. Like a snake, you shed your summer skin and go looking for a fall snack.

Summer is a time to listen to Top 40 exclusively. For three months, delete Pitchfork from your RSS feed, stop listening to bands with names like The Cupcakes and Vague Teal, and get down with some Katy Perry Teenage Dream shit. The summer acts as the perfect backdrop for mindless pop. You want to hear beats, killer hooks, and things you can dance to. Fact: Ke$ha sounds like shit nine months out of the year, but she’s exactly what you need to listen to at a Fourth of July party. The music industry is even aware of this need for insipid tunes so they make sure to release the best mainstream music during the summer months. The music mantra for summer should be “If it’s not on the radio, I don’t want to hear it.” Of course when the weather dips, you can go back to drawing the blinds in your apartment and putting on some Mazzy Star. But for the brief time when the sun shines, you owe it to yourself to listen to some happy party jams.

Summer is the only time you’ll actually want to eat healthy food. We all know that the perfect “winter coat” is not made by Marc Jacobs, but rather pasta, mashed potatoes, and cake. But when it’s 95 degrees out, the last thing you or your body wants is a Chipotle food baby. You actually crave fruit like peaches and oranges, smoothies (not the melted Starburst kind from Jamba Juice), and salads. Summer is all about snacking rather than consuming large meals, which is shockingly better for you. Embrace it because when it’s 30 degrees again, peaches aren’t going to cut it.

The summer mood is sexy and carefree. There’s you and then there’s Summer You. Summer you is more laidback and down for anything. I always felt like it was unrealistic that teen shows like Gossip Girl only take place during the school year because everyone knows that the real shit goes down in the summertime. It’s like everyone just sort of comes alive after being killed by crap weather, work, and school for so long. Even the most mundane activities become so much better when they’re drenched in an ungodly amount of sun. *END PAID ADVERTISEMENT OF SUMMER HERE* TC mark

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