Men’s Health Releases Unintentionally Hilarious Holiday Gift Guide
Men’s Health Subscriber: Babe, Men’s Health recommended that I get you a yogurt maker for Christmas. You know, cause you like food.
Girlfriend: Are you calling me fat, babe? Like, while our picture is getting taken?
Men’s Health Subscriber: No, babe.
Girlfriend: If you get me a yogurt maker for Christmas, I will seriously sob and then I’ll break up with you.
Men’s Health Subscriber: Fine, babe. Fine.
Men’s Health released a holiday gift guide in which they suggest buying your girlfriend crazy gifts such as a watch, candles, and a yogurt maker. To add to the hilarity, they’ve divided women into the categories: Entertainer, Girly girl, Geeky girl, Foodie, and Fit chick, so as not to confuse men into thinking that a woman can have diverse interests. The category, Entertainer, is clearly code for “Cheap Whore” as the gifts almost all pertain to drinking or having sex. The Foodie, meanwhile, is stuck with getting a cast-iron pan and popsicle molds for Christmas. And since she’s super feminine, the Girly girl is blessed with receiving Moroccan oil and this new-fangled invention called nail polish. Men’s Health subscribers should just ditch this advice and buy their girlfriend a new relationship. ZING.
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Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”
To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.