Cosmo Recommends 11 Useless Ways to Keep Your Winter Romance Hot
God bless women’s magazines like Cosmo as they truly are the gift that keeps on giving. In this particular piece of hard-hitting journalism, the girlie mag offers up genius ideas for going on a sexy winter date. Among the ways you can keep the romance alive during frigid temperatures is a trip to the aquarium (it’s sexy because of the dim lighting), throwing a “Boys’ Night Out”–where the woman acquiesces to her boyfriend’s demands and goes out for a burger and a beer–and leaving your comfort zone to try a “kinda out-there” restaurant like Medieval Times (because nothing says romance like the sound of children screaming, renaissance garb and potential food poisoning).
Cosmopolitan magazine seems to be perpetually stuck in a time that might not have ever even existed. They created their own ideas about sex, relationships and gender and have rarely deviated from them, even when societal attitudes call for it. Throughout the years, the magazine has repackaged their laughable sex tips to their readers by switching words around in headlines and making slight changes to the text. It’s unclear as to what kind of person still uses them as a source for information but the fact that it’s still surviving in this notoriously difficult time for print shows that there’s still an audience for this drivel. Regardless of their apparent success, if Cosmo magazine could talk, it would probably say, “I hate being me.”
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If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”