October 5, 2016

When You Can’t Escape The Feeling Of Being Judged

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Aki Tolentino
Aki Tolentino

In the NBC show This is Us, Kate, who has struggled with obesity her entire life, makes a very true and depressing statement to her friend who’s attempting to get her to focus on something other than dieting and she says to him, “It’s always going to be about the weight.”

Those who are obese know this feeling all too well.  For when you are obese you feel constantly judged by everyone, even those who love you. Obese man/woman then becomes how we define ourselves and that identity warps the world around us.

We perceive kindness as pity or a cruel joke. We hear laughter from the “cool” group and assume it’s another fat joke. We are also afraid to eat anything except salad in public, and walking into a gym filled with “fitness people” is like wearing Clinton t-shirt at a Donald Trump rally.

No matter where we go we can’t escape the feeling of being judged.

It’s like walking around with a huge zit on your nose, you can’t hide it! We believe the only thing anyone will notice about us is our weight and no one will ever see the person we are on the inside through all of this fat.

But it’s not true.

I know now that those perceptions are false and that most people are just kind and they can laugh for many reasons, and only having a salad at a steakhouse is far more embarrassing than just enjoying a real meal. Also “fitness people” can actually be okay sometimes.

But even knowing the truth it doesn’t change the fact that society, the media, and a few bullies helped us in creating this world of shame, embarrassment, and guilt.

To escape to a new more accepting world, you need to not make this all about the weight but instead, it needs to be about how you honestly see yourself.

My friends, the transformation on the inside precedes the transformation on the outside. You have to first love and accept who you are before the world will. After all, no one judges you harsher than you judge yourself, right?

The key is what you choose to focus on.

When your goal revolves around the scale you leave victory up to chance and your identity is still tied to your weight.  However, when you focus on changing your lifestyle because you love yourself and feel you deserve the best life possible, you can’t lose!

It’s a Jedi Mind Trick, to yourself you do!

No longer will you say, “I want to lose weight because I’m fat and disgusting and no one likes me” (words I’ve used many times in the past to describe myself) but “I’m going to lose weight because I love myself and I deserve to live the greatest life possible.”

That’s the main point and yes this is far too simple because we have years of baggage, both in our minds and on our bodies, but this is a start.

Shifting your mindset is the beginning of creating a better world for you. TC mark

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