January 16, 2013

7 Reasons Jesus Was Gay

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What is the issue?

I truly believe that Jesus of Nazareth was not a straight man and there are plenty of facts to prove it. That’s right, the man who died for your sins may very well have been a homosexual.

  1. The son of God, a man that had the power to surround himself with hundreds of women choose 12 men to hang out with. 12 MALE Apostles.
  2. These 12 men all went by their full names. Nathaniel, Phillip, Andrew, Mathew, Thomas and so on. This is something that gay men are notorious for. If Judas was into vagina he would have gone by Jud. Mathew would have been Matt and Thomas would have been Tom.
  3. His first miracle of turning water into wine. Please, wine?! A straight male would have made that shit a Bud Light and called it a day. But Jesus had class and taste, he converted that H2O into Sauvignon Blanc Jerusalem Valley 26 AD. Poof!
  4. History states that he was a “craftsman” until the age of 30. Some say that this translates into a carpenter. But for the sake of my theory I am saying that a “craftsman” was really an interior designer.
  5. He was 30 and not married and in those days people probably got married at 15.
  6. He preached the importance of charity and loving one another. Powerful straight men start wars and pay for sex while their wives are at home with the kids.
  7. Jesus had the power to do anything that he wanted. If this man were a heterosexual male, the wrecker of everything scared he would have created a machine gun or the stock market. But the son of God, Jesus of Nazareth, used his heavenly power to heal the sick and give vision to the blind. TC mark
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