Thought Catalog
October 8, 2014

The Definitive Ranking Of Every Jolly Rancher Flavor

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What is the issue?
Economy Candy
Economy Candy

The argument of which Jolly Rancher flavor is best has been debated for decades. Lives have been lost and blood has been spilled in pursuit of the truth. When will the pain and suffering end? Well my friend, that day is today. Let’s end this debate once and for all with the definitive Jolly Rancher flavor ranking. You may ask who gave me the authority to make such a decision? I would have to say the lord. Is that good enough for you? Now I know there are those custom flavors or rare flavors that you can’t really find or that no one has really tried, so those aren’t included. Some of those include peach and orange tangerine. These are the real flavors.

10. Watermelon

Sodahead
Sodahead

Let’s get these out of the way and just admit that, if watermelon is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher, you are a monster inside and out. Change your ways and reassess your entire life.

9. Sour Apple

Booturtle
Booturtle

Sour Apple is alright if you want one as a change of pace, but any more than that and your day is pretty much ruined. It’s a change of pace flavor to cleanse your palate. If you go to someone’s house and they have a bowl of Sour Apple Jolly Ranchers set out, they’re either trying to get rid of the ones they don’t really want, or they’re a serial killer.

8. Grape

Amazon
Amazon

Grape gets a lot of unwarranted hate. It’s definitely not the best of the bunch, but you could do a lot worse than grape. I do think that we can all agree whoever picked the names of the flavors of any candy has never actually eaten a piece of fruit.

7. Apple

Gymnotes

It’s incredible how much better apple gets when you take the sour factor out of the equation. Instead of simply being a leftover piece you give to a neighborhood kid or a distant relative, Apple can find its way into your mouth quite a bit more than its sour cousin.

6. Blue Raspberry

Amazon
Amazon

I don’t anyone that downright hates Blue Raspberry. No one would say it’s their favorite flavor, but you don’t hate it. Blue Raspberry isn’t the first one you go to, but if it’s in the bag, you’ll eat it. It’s like the candy version of The Mummy. You would never think of it as one of your favorites, but if you’re home sick and it’s on FX, you’ll watch it. That’s Blue Raspberry.

5. Lemon

BreakingHeelsonUnsolidGround
BreakingHeelsonUnsolidGround

Lemon was discontinued for a bit, but the people spoke and, not only was it brought back, it got a bag of it’s own. Lemon Jolly Ranchers are the official candy of receptionists and old people who want a hard candy in their pocket that isn’t butterscotch or peppermint.

4. Wild Berry

Soap
Soap

We’ll put all of the Wild Berry makeovers in one category because it’s the same thing, but with a slightly more fruity taste. The good news is that it takes some of the subpar flavors to another level, but the ones that are already good don’t need to be altered. You don’t paint blush onto Mona Lisa.

3. Smoothie

Amazon
Amazon

The Smoothie Jolly Rancher flavor is legit. The flavors have a softness to them that makes them easy to mix together and tones down much of the overpowering sweetness. Even if you’re not a fan of Jolly Ranchers, the smoothie flavor is a great candy.

2. Cinnamon/Fire Stix

Soap
Soap

This is the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos of Jolly Ranchers. You don’t just casually stroll in and grab a few Cinnamon Jolly Ranchers. You have to show a certain amount of respect to them. You agree to experience a Cinnamon Jolly Rancher. Only then are you truly worthy to partake in one.

1. Cherry

MandysSecrets
MandysSecrets

Cherry is the best flavor of Jolly Rancher by a substantial margin. It’s not just a flavor; it’s a way of life. Honestly, if you don’t respect Cherry Jolly Ranchers, you’re just disrespecting yourself. The first time you have one just be a monumental moment in your life. It’s like a rites of passage that every young man and woman should experience. TC mark

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