This Is What I Want From You

Why do we hesitate to share what we want? 

Why should we be embarrassed to have wants, desires, needs, expectations and intentions?

Mindset: 
Concentrate on your life before you concentrate on a relationship. It will happen when you least expect it. Give up on searching for love. Enjoy being single. 

It was hard for me to continue this mindset and to ignore my heart whenever I met someone I truly liked. I wanted to be in a relationship…. or so I thought.

So I figured, I should be more specific, what ARE my wants? Generally speaking, it’s to remain healthy, vital, creative, positive, function in society, give back, make money, pay bills, entertain, continue learning…. and then what? At the end of the day, it all didn’t seem to matter and left me feeling numb, something was missing.

Now I understand wanting to be in a relationship sounds rather vague, a void which is easily fulfilled by a warm body, company, intimacy and routine. So I explored deeper. Was it love that I wanted? – but why? Why did I have this urge, this need to feel loved? Why was it important to be a part of someone’s life, be the last puzzle piece to his heart? Was it because it felt longer lasting, secure, consistent, reassuring? But it isn’t, cause there are no guarantees.

As I became more conscious of what I was thinking, blogging, expressing, I started to get clearer on my intentions.

In the past, I’ve found myself benevolent, accommodating, compromising, supportive, giving…. And yet I couldn’t understand why it didn’t work out. I now realize it’s subjective, sometimes people will like you and sometimes they won’t. It’s arbitrary and that’s just the way love, life and ultimately, humanity – is. You can’t go trying to please everyone and not everyone is going to love you. In your pursuit of that illusion, you’ll be left with not knowing who you are, what you have to contribute and more importantly, what YOU truly want. Why do we remain judicious? Do we fear by being vulnerable we are receptive to ridicule?

I believe the road to my happiness starts by putting myself out there, being honest with my intentions and understanding my wants.

I know what I want. Do you?