You Are Just My Rebound

You are just a rebound. No matter how many times I have told you that I love you, deep within my heart, I know that I meant those words for someone else, someone whom I cannot be with right now. It’s just that you have been there during the darkest hours of my life. You have seen me cry, and you wiped all those tears away. You made me feel special in your own ways. That’s why I want you to stay with me. That’s why I cannot afford to lose you. Because you give me the love that someone cannot give to me.

However, the truth cannot be change. You are only good for a short or maybe even long period of time, but not a lifetime. Perhaps, a few months, or maybe some few years, but do not expect that I can really commit to you until death do us part. I am just waiting for that person to love me back, to see my worth. But for the mean time, let us play as if we’re on. Do not run away from me because that would hurt me, not because I love you so much, but because no one else is willing enough to do the things you are doing for me. Let us act as if we really love each other, but label ourselves as “best friends.” Maybe, that is the safest thing to say. At least, we both know that we are not going beyond friendship, and that wouldn’t give me any guilt.

I may have said that you may wait for me until things get better. That’s because I want you to be my back up plan, since I find my situation hopeless. I don’t want to look pitiful. I want you to be with me, but I am never willing to give you myself. I actually do not see a future with you. Everything that I want to have between us is temporary, and something I would want sometime to be part of history. You are my present, but later on, you will become my past. You certainly do not have a place in what I envision as my future. You are there for a reason, until I become okay. Maybe things will not get any better, and I just need to patch those holes up. Thank you for being a good front cover. You never failed to make me smile. At least, you have fulfilled a nice role in my life.

But please, never expect anything from me. I actually do not mean to hurt you. I never planned it that way. I honestly did not think much of hurting you than making myself feel good. Selfish, I know that. I did not want to play with your feelings for me. I just want to engage in some small deep talks with you, with some holding hands, hugs, kisses, fetching, and other little sweet nothings, but only for a while.

I know it does hurt. Perhaps there’s a truth in the saying that hurt people hurt people. I am sorry. I hope we can stay as friends forever. Just please do understand me. It may be hard on your part, but I am just really selfish. You love me right? So that’s just it. But always anticipate for the day when I’d be saying goodbye to you as a lover, because “us” is just an illusion. It can never happen. Maybe there’s an “us” now, but tomorrow, it will end.