A personality map is a bunch of different mental snippets from movies, TV shows, books, the Internet, whatever – that make up your personality as it is now. These are little things that you’ve seen or heard that have somehow made their way into your brain chemicals and stayed there forever. Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?
Furious that the thief had gotten away with the register, Ireland threw a two litter bottle of coke at the fleeing robber’s back and then followed him outside. He managed to get a partial license number, allowing the police to make a speedy arrest and return the register to the store. Prosecutors hailed him as a ‘hero.’
It wouldn’t be Christmas without a war between true believers and nonbelievers. This year, the American Atheists fired the first shot, dropping $20,000 to rent a 14-by-48-foot billboard on I-495 in New Jersey, en route to the Lincoln Tunnel, with the following message: “You KNOW it’s a myth. This season, celebrate reason!”
Originally, I assumed their date would involve dinner at a chi chi restaurant somewhere in Beverly Hills. Kim would get tipsy and talk about her days as a child star while Lisa’s friend would masturbate underneath the table.
Be it Black Friday, Freaky Friday, TGIF or Friday the 13th : the last day of the work week is ruled by anxiety. One of Twitter’s most popular trending topics, “Follow Friday” is supposed to be some kind of authentic recommendation of Twitter users one suggests to follow. I remember this kind of working in the earlier days of Twitter.
The only thing celebrities love more than themselves is lying. Exhaustion, asthma attacks, allergic reactions: These are the official reasons why celebrities do such nutty things but we know the truth. “Asthma” is usually code for coke binge, and “allergic reaction” typically means overdose…
Keller’s timelapse video comp of his photo project, Living My Life Faster (above), spread like fire across the Internet before viral became a marketing objective — when idle fascination was less engineered. There’s something genuine about Keller’s project that keeps my attention. Maybe it’s the fact that he executed it with no implicit payoff in mind, just the idea that it might be interesting to pursue.
The good folks at YourTango, a “digital media company dedicated to love and relationships,” care about you. That’s why they produced this PSA warning of the very, very serious hazards of using social media.
A Hayden, Idaho Aryan Nations adherent who erected a noose-carrying KKK snowman in his front yard is quite literally hoping for a white Chrismtas (sorry, pun very much intended). The man, identified in news reports only as Mark, apparently has a history of public displays of white supremacy. His neighbors, aka normal people, are pissed.
So here is my advice on lying: do it. Within reason. Describe you on your best day, or – even better – what would your Mom say about you if she met a friend at the drug store? There’s your dating profile. (Unless your Mom is at the drug store to pick up a prescription for the weird rash you have on growing on your private parts. Then say something else.)
The category, Entertainer, is clearly code for “Cheap Whore” as the gifts almost all pertain to drinking or having sex. The Foodie, meanwhile, is stuck with getting a cast-iron pan and popsicle molds for Christmas.
I keep thinking about this funny thing that happened to me the other day at work; this lady who’s sort of mental and always wide-eyed and freaking out about stuff loves to wear low-cut shirts and bend over at any opportunity so that her nipples are damn near on the floor. She did this right in front of me once and I held up my hand in front of my eyes and made a “I’m gonna barf” face.
Today, we have round 2: Husband Calling. Women demonstrate how they call their husband, presumably when dinner is ready. Watch inside.
A study like this was long overdue. Spoiler alert: New Orleans is number one. Maybe because there are so many… black guys?
COCK OUT is a new game created by an AIDS awareness organization in which you do just as the title implies: Take your cock out, put on a motion-sensing virtual condom (Duh! I have one with me right now!) and start swinging your penis at the big bad virus, HIV.
I don’t remember when I began saying I was allergic to honeydew melon, but I know it was a long time ago. Honeydew melon seems like an appealingly quirky thing to have an allergic reaction to. My dad is allergic to honeydew melon. One time my throat itched a little after eating it. Stopped lying about this last year.
Scientology honestly feels like a giant joke that’s being played on society. A religion created solely for celebrities and rich people is a genius and utterly terrifying idea. With their celebrity centers, fancy parties and steep payments, the religion has preyed upon the wealthy’s need to feel special and V.I.P. by creating an enclave for the elite.
Eight months after the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, a diaster that continues to plague the region, the fragile coastline of Louisiana is struggling to survive. Pictures inside.
I don’t use public showers i.e. in gyms or swimming pools that require a membership and prefer not to piss openly in front of others (actually I can’t) so any penis ‘flashing’ my friends might have been subject to has been merely coincidental and unintentional and left unmentioned.
Well, there’s no real “lesson,” actually, but for the grammar hounds out there, an interesting crisis arises from trying to retype a certain line of lyrics from the song “Dark Fantasy” off Kanye’s new album.
Christos, a twenty-something design rep who lived in Greenpoint, probably spent his days at alternative gay bar, Metropolitan, and liked to have barbecues in McCarren Park with his super cute friends. David, an old WASPy gay, probably never set foot in Brooklyn and liked to spend his time shopping in Chelsea on Ambien. Regardless of the outcome, it was still titillating to see such an alternative gay on the screen.
When confronted during the postgame press conference, Anderson throws a hissy fit and informs the reporter he doesn’t want to be embarrassed on Monday Night Football in front of everybody. Watch after the jump.
If you have a fondness for the phrase “Jesus is the reason for the season,” then you’ll no doubt be interested to hear about the latest exploits of two guys named John Boehner and Eric Cantor. These men are politicians, fairly high-ranking from what I’m told. And, if you’re keeping score, these gentlemen hail from the Republican party (the one that’s less docile, more reactionary).
Not really sure what there is to be said in this kind of situation. I feel baffled. Guess this is like the ‘spoken word’ of rural Illinois? Watch the uncanny video of the 2010 Illinois State Fair Hog Calling Contest after the jump.
If I tried heroin, I would love it so much, I would want to marry it. Not just because it’s heroin and everyone loves it but because that opiate high is my fave. Thank God it kills so many people and usually involves needles. Otherwise, I would be like, “Hi, what’s up? Get into my bloodstream!” in a heartbeat.
“Everybody makes mistakes,” Garcia added. “I work at Publix and I might get somebody’s sub (order) wrong. But for somebody to get (the photo of a suspect) wrong…it’s not a sandwich, it’s somebody’s life you’re playing with.”
Your feed will continue to be populated with the deceased person’s most famous quotes, YouTubes of memorable moments in the person’s career, or 140-character conveyances about what that person/that person’s work meant to the individual who is commemorating them by Tweeting. You observe this with curiosity and some compassion, a public funeral ceremony for a stranger in which you are not participating, and feel increasingly uncomfortable.
Starving artist, Julia Roberts, got paid $1.5 million to star in this Italian commercial for Lavazza coffee. Although Roberts doesn’t actually speak in the commercial, she does flash a $1.5 million dollar smile. I’m so happy Julia Roberts got this gig. For a second, I was worried about how she was going to pay her rent, how she was going to be able to survive in this terrible economy.
I was miserable because I truly thought I was meant to be something better than just your average pedestrian teenager. There was no Freaks and Geeks yet; there was nothing that made me romanticize what I was. The Breakfast Club was funny but in the real life version of it we were all just a bunch of ugly kids with oily skin under oppressive fluorescent lighting.
In German photographer Christian Burkert‘s series of photos titled “Last Exit Detroit,” the theme is familiar: Detroit is an abysmal no man’s land on the brink of extinction. Most everyone claiming to be a photographer or journalist these days seems intent on that opinion, and it’s become woefully redundant.
Yesterday, a very pregnant and insane Mariah Carey dropped by HSN to lounge, take phone calls from listeners and hawk various products. Among the many things for sale was the singer’s very own fragrance, which, she said, was inspired by the sound of her own voice.
Stampedes in malls and consumers fiercely defending a cardboard-packaged-whatever at Walmart is trashy as a general rule, but footage in this video montage of Black Friday sale-stampeding takes the cake. Watch it inside.
Freelancing (emphasis on “free”) is a kind of Hell that only a writer could endure. Not only are freelancers typically underpaid but they sometimes wait six months to a year to see any payment. I feel their pain.
Whatcha know ’bout cooking? These recipes involve a handle of Jack Daniels and an entire dead pig. Guaranteed to clean up the nastiest hangover. Watch the video inside.
It’s called the Super Live Toy Drive, a “time for sharing, caring, and getting drunk as fuck and blew out.” Why the uncharacteristic Juggalo display of love for children? Because “the kids want shit. They want mad shit. They want shit like extra expensive super Wiis, and nuclear nerf guns.” Watch the video inside.
It seems there are many parallels to be drawn here between the notion of playthings and adult situations. Not to mention the idea that Lego bricks create an instant pixelization effect, adding to the X-rated allure of these images.
Besides getting the obvious breast implants and liposuction, Moore also spends $3,000 a pop on something called Thermage-a technique that uses radio frequency (what?) to heat the deep layers of the skin while cooling the surface. This tightens the collagen which makes you look like a newborn baby!
In this 1993 broadcast from Science Friday, NPR looks at the fledgling days of the Internet. The general feeling in this piece is optimism. One guest points out that this (then) new technology will be a powerful tool for government, increasing efficiency and bettering peoples’ lives.
Avoid pat downs and protest body scanners at the same time with new 4th amendment underclothes! Warning: Already Sold Out.
Dancing by yourself can be kind of embarrassing. Dancing by yourself while under the influence of serious drugs can be social suicide.
Peter “Sleazy” Christopherson, who in the ’80s pioneered the industrial aesthetic with the band Throbbing Gristle, died in his sleep at his home in Bangkok on November 24. He was 55.
This new candidate comes out strong in the race for Worst Mother Ever: forcing a vulnerable and helpless child to hold hot sauce in its mouth while she berates it, then stripping its clothes and yelling “YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE YOU MADE BAD CHOICES. DO YOU HEAR ME?” while the child wails in terror. Video I hope she’s ashamed of inside.
I hate the holidays. Not like, “Oh, I hate the holidays,” and then I go do it anyway. I mean it like, I do not do it. When the girl at the bookstore the day after Thanksgiving asked me, “Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving?” and stuffed my new copy of U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life? into a bag, I said, “I abstained.”
Gee, this should help you kill some time at work. Two weeks ago I received a promotional email about a New Yorker event: a reading by Joshua Ferris and Karen Russell. I was excited. But I was also surprised to see that they were touted in the ad as “20 under 40 writers.”
The Piano Teacher (2001) chronicles the psychological, emotional, and sexual pathologies of a lonely pianist whose obsession with her pupil turns from bad to worse. Known for transgressing boundaries and his ambivalence towards the audience, director Michael Haneke has evoked the following reactions from this contributor, whose sensibilities in film are fairly mainstream and conventional.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel is nicknamed ‘teflon’ because she “avoids risk and is rarely creative.” Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi knows how to party. In 2007 America engaged in a dangerous standoff with Pakistan over nuclear fuel. China hacked Google. Read more inside.
Most Black Friday brawls involve trampling. The one above involves a Walmart parking lot, Four Loko, and several high kicks from a drunk fat kid. This is America at its best. Watch and weep.
Nation, i.e. Fox News, posted an article in their culture section titled: Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail The title has been changed to “The Onion: Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail.”
I walked around the mall. Sydney and Mike bought me “Kissable Massage Lotion” from Victoria’s Secret. At some point, I saw the zombie people being escorted out of the mall by an overweight security guard.
Black Friday means no rules. Some people misinterpret it to mean “deep discounts,” but that’s not entirely accurate. The $100 flat screen TVs and truckloads of Silly Bandz are merely a distraction. In truth, Black Friday is a dry run for the end of days. And as far as dry runs go, the masses fail miserably–and on a grander scale–each year.