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A personality map is a bunch of different mental snippets from movies, TV shows, books, the Internet, whatever – that make up your personality as it is now. These are little things that you’ve seen or heard that have somehow made their way into your brain chemicals and stayed there forever. Does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a war between true believers and nonbelievers. This year, the American Atheists fired the first shot, dropping $20,000 to rent a 14-by-48-foot billboard on I-495 in New Jersey, en route to the Lincoln Tunnel, with the following message: “You KNOW it’s a myth. This season, celebrate reason!”

Be it Black Friday, Freaky Friday, TGIF or Friday the 13th : the last day of the work week is ruled by anxiety. One of Twitter’s most popular trending topics, “Follow Friday” is supposed to be some kind of authentic recommendation of Twitter users one suggests to follow. I remember this kind of working in the earlier days of Twitter.

Keller’s timelapse video comp of his photo project, Living My Life Faster (above), spread like fire across the Internet before viral became a marketing objective — when idle fascination was less engineered. There’s something genuine about Keller’s project that keeps my attention. Maybe it’s the fact that he executed it with no implicit payoff in mind, just the idea that it might be interesting to pursue.

The good folks at YourTango, a “digital media company dedicated to love and relationships,” care about you. That’s why they produced this PSA warning of the very, very serious hazards of using social media.

A Hayden, Idaho Aryan Nations adherent who erected a noose-carrying KKK snowman in his front yard is quite literally hoping for a white Chrismtas (sorry, pun very much intended). The man, identified in news reports only as Mark, apparently has a history of public displays of white supremacy. His neighbors, aka normal people, are pissed.

So here is my advice on lying: do it. Within reason. Describe you on your best day, or – even better – what would your Mom say about you if she met a friend at the drug store? There’s your dating profile. (Unless your Mom is at the drug store to pick up a prescription for the weird rash you have on growing on your private parts. Then say something else.)

I keep thinking about this funny thing that happened to me the other day at work; this lady who’s sort of mental and always wide-eyed and freaking out about stuff loves to wear low-cut shirts and bend over at any opportunity so that her nipples are damn near on the floor. She did this right in front of me once and I held up my hand in front of my eyes and made a “I’m gonna barf” face.

COCK OUT is a new game created by an AIDS awareness organization in which you do just as the title implies: Take your cock out, put on a motion-sensing virtual condom (Duh! I have one with me right now!) and start swinging your penis at the big bad virus, HIV.

I don’t remember when I began saying I was allergic to honeydew melon, but I know it was a long time ago. Honeydew melon seems like an appealingly quirky thing to have an allergic reaction to. My dad is allergic to honeydew melon. One time my throat itched a little after eating it. Stopped lying about this last year.

Scientology honestly feels like a giant joke that’s being played on society. A religion created solely for celebrities and rich people is a genius and utterly terrifying idea. With their celebrity centers, fancy parties and steep payments, the religion has preyed upon the wealthy’s need to feel special and V.I.P. by creating an enclave for the elite.

I don’t use public showers i.e. in gyms or swimming pools that require a membership and prefer not to piss openly in front of others (actually I can’t) so any penis ‘flashing’ my friends might have been subject to has been merely coincidental and unintentional and left unmentioned.

Christos, a twenty-something design rep who lived in Greenpoint, probably spent his days at alternative gay bar, Metropolitan, and liked to have barbecues in McCarren Park with his super cute friends. David, an old WASPy gay, probably never set foot in Brooklyn and liked to spend his time shopping in Chelsea on Ambien. Regardless of the outcome, it was still titillating to see such an alternative gay on the screen.

If you have a fondness for the phrase “Jesus is the reason for the season,” then you’ll no doubt be interested to hear about the latest exploits of two guys named John Boehner and Eric Cantor. These men are politicians, fairly high-ranking from what I’m told. And, if you’re keeping score, these gentlemen hail from the Republican party (the one that’s less docile, more reactionary).

If I tried heroin, I would love it so much, I would want to marry it. Not just because it’s heroin and everyone loves it but because that opiate high is my fave. Thank God it kills so many people and usually involves needles. Otherwise, I would be like, “Hi, what’s up? Get into my bloodstream!” in a heartbeat.

Your feed will continue to be populated with the deceased person’s most famous quotes, YouTubes of memorable moments in the person’s career, or 140-character conveyances about what that person/that person’s work meant to the individual who is commemorating them by Tweeting. You observe this with curiosity and some compassion, a public funeral ceremony for a stranger in which you are not participating, and feel increasingly uncomfortable.

Starving artist, Julia Roberts, got paid $1.5 million to star in this Italian commercial for Lavazza coffee. Although Roberts doesn’t actually speak in the commercial, she does flash a $1.5 million dollar smile. I’m so happy Julia Roberts got this gig. For a second, I was worried about how she was going to pay her rent, how she was going to be able to survive in this terrible economy.

I was miserable because I truly thought I was meant to be something better than just your average pedestrian teenager. There was no Freaks and Geeks yet; there was nothing that made me romanticize what I was. The Breakfast Club was funny but in the real life version of it we were all just a bunch of ugly kids with oily skin under oppressive fluorescent lighting.

In German photographer Christian Burkert‘s series of photos titled “Last Exit Detroit,” the theme is familiar: Detroit is an abysmal no man’s land on the brink of extinction. Most everyone claiming to be a photographer or journalist these days seems intent on that opinion, and it’s become woefully redundant.

It seems there are many parallels to be drawn here between the notion of playthings and adult situations. Not to mention the idea that Lego bricks create an instant pixelization effect, adding to the X-rated allure of these images.

Besides getting the obvious breast implants and liposuction, Moore also spends $3,000 a pop on something called Thermage-a technique that uses radio frequency (what?) to heat the deep layers of the skin while cooling the surface. This tightens the collagen which makes you look like a newborn baby!

In this 1993 broadcast from Science Friday, NPR looks at the fledgling days of the Internet. The general feeling in this piece is optimism. One guest points out that this (then) new technology will be a powerful tool for government, increasing efficiency and bettering peoples’ lives.

This new candidate comes out strong in the race for Worst Mother Ever: forcing a vulnerable and helpless child to hold hot sauce in its mouth while she berates it, then stripping its clothes and yelling “YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE YOU MADE BAD CHOICES. DO YOU HEAR ME?” while the child wails in terror. Video I hope she’s ashamed of inside.

I hate the holidays. Not like, “Oh, I hate the holidays,” and then I go do it anyway. I mean it like, I do not do it. When the girl at the bookstore the day after Thanksgiving asked me, “Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving?” and stuffed my new copy of U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life? into a bag, I said, “I abstained.”

Gee, this should help you kill some time at work. Two weeks ago I received a promotional email about a New Yorker event: a reading by Joshua Ferris and Karen Russell. I was excited. But I was also surprised to see that they were touted in the ad as “20 under 40 writers.”

The Piano Teacher (2001) chronicles the psychological, emotional, and sexual pathologies of a lonely pianist whose obsession with her pupil turns from bad to worse. Known for transgressing boundaries and his ambivalence towards the audience, director Michael Haneke has evoked the following reactions from this contributor, whose sensibilities in film are fairly mainstream and conventional.

Nation, i.e. Fox News, posted an article in their culture section titled: Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail The title has been changed to “The Onion: Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail.”

I walked around the mall. Sydney and Mike bought me “Kissable Massage Lotion” from Victoria’s Secret. At some point, I saw the zombie people being escorted out of the mall by an overweight security guard.

Black Friday means no rules. Some people misinterpret it to mean “deep discounts,” but that’s not entirely accurate. The $100 flat screen TVs and truckloads of Silly Bandz are merely a distraction. In truth, Black Friday is a dry run for the end of days. And as far as dry runs go, the masses fail miserably–and on a grander scale–each year.

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