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Because you’re nothing if your short story about a bear eating a steak with a golem in downtown Manhattan hasn’t had 50 Favorites and you’ve gotten that gold star from the website that gives out gold stars.

I’m thinking of my parents’ generation, and how they changed with the times. Thank goodness they were posers, too. Can you imagine what would have happened if they’d all joined communes? If they never got over doing Angel Dust? Awful. But they changed with the times, as we all are forced to do.

This week, Jada Pinkett-Smith sounded off at critics who were upset that she would “let” her daughter, Willow Smith, buzz her hair — despite long locks being a signature of Willow’s style.

When I was a kid, I remember frequenting the Chinese market with my mom. I was more familiar with Yan Yan than Kit Kat. Preferred instant noodles to canned soup. Ate more spam and rice than mac and cheese.

t is your job, as a friend, to answer important questions honestly when they are presented to you. Very few people in your friend’s life are going to be up-front about the fact that their new lover is absolutely repulsive.

We’ve worked so hard for freedom, but we are slaves to the economy, prisoners of social norms, wear shackles of green, and answer to authority and guidelines of which we don’t even know the origins or the purpose, and remain bound by lack of curiosity, lack of education, and loss of the question mark.

I know you all think I’m some sort of magical unicorn because I manage to consistently and simultaneously do Four Seemingly Impossible Things: 1) make a living as a writer, 2) travel all over the place, 3) be 27, and 4) live in Manhattan.

I wanted to tell the policeman that my wallet was stolen. However, it wasn’t stolen. It was just in a bag I left on the steps after sitting there for a few minutes.

I don’t want to get fat. I don’t want my skin to sag or my face to change. I ran into an old acquaintance recently and he commented that I looked different somehow. Of course when someone says that sort of thing you immediately think the worst kind of thoughts.

Speaking of relationships, you should get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, silly! What’ve you been doing all of this time being single and alone?!! Obviously your life’s boring. You have no one to share it with, LOL!

In the last season, Cory’s name will eventually be revealed as Cornelius. Cory “jokes” that he and Topanga will be keeping the awesome name train alive if they have children. They will name them Chewbacca and Plankton Matthews, which have a nice ring to them, if you ask me.

I was transported back to Positively Records when I recently came across a Telegraph headline: “Rejected Beatles Audition Tape Discovered.” You have my goddamn attention.

After spending probably something close to ten hours on the internet reading every article I could find and watching every Youtube video that related to oral herpes (note: please do not do this. It will ruin your mental health), I found some pretty useful information.

Despite the slightly depressing theme of the lyrics, the xylophone coupled with Andreya Triana’s full-bodied voice makes you feel as warm as a baby swaddled in a cable knit scarf, or a hobo with a bottle of brandy (hold the eggnog).

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