Thought Catalog
June 8, 2017

You Don’t Deserve A Chaotic Love Just Because Your Life Is Chaotic

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What is the issue?
Aral Tasher

I’m no longer attracted to confusion. I’m no longer intrigued by mystery, mixed signals, ambiguity and self-destruction.

I’m no longer attracted to people who drive me crazy, people who make it harder to sleep at night, people who manipulate everything they say to guarantee a place in my head. I’m no longer attracted to people who mastered the art of breaking hearts and calling it love.

I’m no longer attracted to chaos. I’m no longer attracted to madness. I’m no longer chasing people to fix or trying to find people who can fix me.

Maybe I was into chaos when I thought that as long as my life is chaotic, I should attract people who understand this chaos, people who are chaotic themselves. Maybe I thought that two wrongs do make a right because at least they’ll understand everything that’s ‘wrong’ with one another. Maybe I though that I don’t deserve peace, that I’m a creative person and creative people thrive on chaos.

But love shouldn’t be chaotic, love shouldn’t be infuriating, love shouldn’t be broken to be good or heartbreaking to be art. Love shouldn’t be built on unsettling circumstances or a weak foundation.

Love should calm down the chaos in your mind, it should lighten the heaviness in your heart and it should be your safe haven from all the madness and the insanity of your life. It should be your sweet escape. It should be your home.

It shouldn’t be an extension of your chaos, it shouldn’t be messy just because you’re all over the place. It shouldn’t be a reflection of how you’re feeling or the troubles you’re facing.

You deserve a peaceful love. You deserve a love that makes you forget about the chaos in your life. You deserve a love that reminds you that some things can be in order. Some things are predictable. You deserve a love that reassures you that not everything in your life has to fall apart to make sense.

You deserve a muse who inspires you to love more, love better and believe in something extraordinary. You deserve a love that’s honest and pure, not messy and devastating.

Love doesn’t have to be chaotic even if you think the chaos in your life will never end. Love doesn’t have to follow the rules. Love is always the exception. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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