She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because she still doesn’t understand why you blew the first one. She doesn’t understand what exactly went down; why you stopped calling, why you backed off, why you never gave her closure or why you suddenly changed your mind. She thinks you’re treating her like she’s your option. She thinks you came back because it’s just convenient for you or because you just want to know for sure that she still cares.

She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because she’s still not sure about how you feel, she doesn’t know your intentions, she doesn’t know what you want from her anymore. She’s scared that if she gives you a second chance, she’d be blowing a first chance with someone else. Someone who didn’t screw things up, someone who deserves the time you wasted.

She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because every time she gave someone a second chance, they taught her why she shouldn’t, they repeated the same mistake, they hurt her again.

She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because you haven’t really proved that you deserve it. You’re not trying hard enough, you’re not showing her that she matters, you’re not giving her the security she needs to know that you will not hurt her again. She’s afraid you’re still the same person and she doesn’t want to be fooled twice.

She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because she’s tired. She’s tired of giving chances that people take for granted, she’s tired of giving love to those who can’t love her back, she’s tired of being there for people who let her down and she’s tired of being told that she should stop looking back and that she shouldn’t go back to who hurt her.

She’s afraid of giving you a second chance because she can’t forget what you did, she can’t forget the pain. Your face reminds her of her tears. Your sudden presence now reminds her of your absence. Your texts remind her of all the messages you ignored. Your hug reminds her of the times she needed you and you weren’t there.

She’s afraid that she won’t be herself with you because she can’t forget the pain. She’s afraid she won’t be able to fully love you because part of her is still cautious and skeptical. She’s afraid she won’t be her loving self because you broke her and maybe she’s still mending the pieces and she can’t give you her all anymore.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.