Thought Catalog
May 12, 2017

It Shouldn’t Be A Struggle To Know If Someone Cares

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What is the issue?
Christopher Campbell

It shouldn’t be a question.

It shouldn’t be a riddle you’re trying to solve or a crossword puzzle you’re trying to find the answers to. It shouldn’t be something that confuses you or causes you pain and it shouldn’t be that hard. It’s not rocket science. It’s not a secret. When someone cares, you’ll know because they’ll show you or they’ll tell you.

Some people care in different ways but at the end of the day you know for sure they care even if they’re not good at expressing their feelings but they always find a way to make up for their lack of affection or their inability to tell you how they truly feel. They make up for it to reassure you that they care because that’s something they can’t help or control. You can’t force someone not to care about you and ultimately you can’t force someone to care about you either.

It shouldn’t be momentary.

It shouldn’t only be when someone is drunk or vulnerable or when someone is going through a tough time and they need you. It shouldn’t be transient or short-lived. It shouldn’t depend on someone else’s mood. When someone truly cares they never stop unless you really hurt them, but if someone chooses when to care and when not to care about you, they probably don’t genuinely care about you. They probably only care when it’s convenient for them.

It shouldn’t be something you have to ask for.

The truth is, if you have to constantly ask for someone’s attention, someone’s time, someone’s words, then you’re doing a lot more work than you should. You’re trying so hard to believe that the other person cares and you’re trying to make that happen somehow even if it means that you’ll be the one doing all the work.

The beauty of someone caring about you is that they can’t help it, they will always either meet you half-way or be one step ahead. You will just feel it, just like you know for sure your best friend cares about you.

Caring should always be an answer. A solution. Something palpable. It shouldn’t be a question. A riddle or something you constantly have to doubt or ask for. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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