My Life Was Easier When You Were Around
By Rania Naim
My life was easier when you were by my side, when I knew I could turn to you if I was in trouble or even just talk to you when I really needed someone who can understand me. Your voice, your wisdom and your guidance always kept me going, they always made me want to fight for my life because you were the one who taught me how to believe in myself and you were the one who taught me how to keep swimming and how to float.
My life was easier when you were with me, when you saw all my friends and told me who to trust and who to drop, when you would notice the things I failed to notice, when you would spot the fake ones from the real ones because you always told me not to settle, you always thought I loved people too easily and saw the best in them and somehow I trusted you more than anyone. I always felt like no one can betray me or hurt me when you were with me because you’ll always protect me and you’ll always save me before I hurt myself. I felt safe with you.
You taught me how to live without needing anyone but you never taught me how to live without needing you.
While you were teaching me how not to depend on anyone for my happiness, you didn’t realize that I was depending on you, you didn’t realize that I didn’t care about anything or anyone because you were there and you forgot to teach me how to survive without you, how do I depend on the world when you’re not in it?
I keep trying to live but I’m only surviving. I keep trying to be happy but I’m only fooling myself. I keep saying I don’t need you, but the truth is I don’t need anyone but you.
I don’t know if anything makes sense without you. I don’t even know if I make sense without you.
My life was easier when you were in it. You gave me something to look forward to every day. You lifted the weight off my shoulders. You weren’t afraid of me or my baggage. You weren’t afraid of my past or my problems. You weren’t afraid of my depth or my strength. You weren’t afraid of my love. You embraced it all. You embraced the real me.
My life was easier when I had you. I know you said I’ll always be fine and my life will be filled with magic and wonder but you didn’t know that you were my magic and ever since you left, I’ve been trying to live the way you would have liked me to, but I can’t. You have my heart. How can anyone live without a heart?