Thought Catalog
March 13, 2017

Maybe You Scare Them Because You Know What You Want

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What is the issue?

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Maybe you scare them because you’re assertive. Because you don’t start things you can’t finish, because you don’t promise anything you can’t deliver and because you’re one of the few people who actually mean what they say, who still value words just as much as actions and you’re still one of the few people who choose honesty over approval. You still use your voice even if it will get you in trouble.

Maybe you scare them because you’re not afraid. You’re not afraid to ask for what you want, you’re not afraid to walk away, you’re not afraid of calling them out and you’re not afraid to show your scars, you’re not afraid to bleed in front of them. You’re not afraid to show your vulnerability, to share your difficult stories and talk about the things people try to hide. Maybe you scare them because you see right through them, because you see right through their bullshit, because you reveal what’s underneath their masks.

Maybe you scare them because you don’t know how to wait. You take yourself out of the equation when there is more than one. You don’t try to compete for someone’s attention if they’re not giving it to you freely and you don’t try to force someone to see who you are or who you could be. Maybe you scare them because they’re used to people who wait for them no matter what they do, they’re used to people who are okay with being options so they don’t know how to deal with someone who wants to be a priority.

Maybe you scare them because you know the rules of their game. You don’t fall for it. You don’t even play these games anymore. You break the rules they invented and you’re not afraid of losing. Losing the game or losing them. You’re not afraid of trying and not getting what you want. Maybe you scare them because they can’t hold anything against you. They can’t say you didn’t try. They can’t say you weren’t’ honest. They can’t say you gave up too easily. They can’t say anything at all.

Maybe you scare them because you remind them of their real fears. You remind them of their commitment issues, of the responsibilities that come with truly loving someone, of the behavior that you expect from someone who should be loyal to you. Maybe you remind them of their first heartbreak, maybe the way you want to love them is the way they loved someone who broke them and they don’t want to break you and maybe they’re incapable of providing the same kind of love you’re willing to give.

But the truth is, you just want them to try, you just want them to take a chance, you just want them to stop making excuses.

Maybe you scare them because they still don’t know you. They don’t see your softer edges, they don’t know that you can try to be understanding and patient. They don’t know that you’re willing to do so much more for them once you know for sure that they want you.

Maybe you scare them because they only see the side of you that still doesn’t trust them, the side that’s still testing them and the side that’s still not sure of their intentions. Maybe they just need to take a leap of faith so they can understand that being with you is not scary at all. That the safest place to be is in your arms.   TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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