I understand how frustrating it is when you’re tired but he’s keeping you up because he doesn’t care. I understand how hard it is to fight these thoughts from infiltrating your mind. I understand how you keep looking at your phone thinking that tonight is the night when he finally says something, when he finally comes back or when he finally decided to give you the closure you need.
You can’t sleep when he’s not next to you and you can’t sleep when you think he’s sleeping next to someone else.
I’m sorry if things haven’t been going your way lately, if your life feels like a huge disappointment, if you feel like God hasn’t been answering your prayers. I’m sorry your fears haunt you every night when you try to forget about it all. I’m sorry you got used to being wide awake when everyone else is sleeping because you don’t know what tomorrow may bring and because tomorrow is starting to give you anxiety.
I’m sorry your nights are getting darker even when the lights are on.
You’re not alone.
You’re not the only one who’s losing sleep over a guy who doesn’t love you back or a guy who broke your heart. You’re not the only one who’s afraid of what tomorrow may bring and how you’re going to face it all by yourself. You’re not the only one who keeps fantasizing about scenarios that may never happen just so you could have something to hold on to and you’re not the only one who keeps making wishes when it’s 11:11 just in case God is listening.
You’re not the only one who looks up and wonder if God is listening, if he cares, hoping that he’s working on bringing you a wonderful surprise because you’ve been patient, because you’re tired and because you don’t remember what it feels like to sleep at night.
But one day you’ll sleep peacefully.
Soon, you’ll sleep knowing that you’re not waiting anymore. Knowing that you’re strong enough to face another stormy day. Knowing that some things are just not meant for you, knowing that some questions will never be answered.
Soon, you’ll be able to sleep because you’ve been working hard all day so you can be happy, so you can make your dreams come true, so you can be a better person. Soon, you will realize that sleep is therapeutic and you will not let anyone take that right away from you.
Soon, your nights will not revolve around someone who broke your heart or something you can’t control.
Soon, you will rest your heard on the pillow and sleep because you’ve done your best, because you’ve tried, because you’ve prayed and because there’s only so much you can do and only so much you can endure.
Soon you will sleep because you will start believing in tomorrow again and you’ll want to wake up for it.